The Inspired Life
The Inspired Life
Beyond Expectations: What Really Matters in Raising Happy Children
Longtime friends Ashwin and Keerthi share their experiences raising a six-year-old son while balancing tech careers, discussing how parenthood has transformed them and the strategies they've developed to navigate modern parenting challenges.
• Both discovered parenthood required more patience than expected, with Ashwin noting they take turns managing difficult situations when one loses their patience
• They use social media videos to discourage excessive screen time, showing their son examples of children behaving poorly when devices are taken away
• Keerthi takes a firm approach with food battles: "This is mealtime. If you're not eating, the kitchen is closed until dinner"
• Ashwin cleverly encourages vegetable consumption by using peer influence in social settings
• They teach values like kindness and respect through real-life examples rather than abstract concepts
• The couple appreciates grandparents' support while navigating different generational opinions on parenting
• Their parenting philosophy focuses on happiness rather than specific achievements: "Expectations kill stuff"
• Final advice: enjoy the journey, provide healthy boundaries, teach responsibility and empathy, then let children lead their own lives
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If you like what you hear, subscribe and follow us on Spotify, iTunes and Amazonmusic. A new episode will come out every 1st and 15th of a month. You can also follow us on Instagram on theinspiredlifepodcast. If you want to mail me to discuss some of the things we are talking here or have a story to share on this podcast, email me at theinspiredlifeindia@gmail.com. This is Deepika and I thank you for listening.
Hello listeners, welcome back to the Inspired Life Podcast. I am Deepika, and joining me today are my very good friends Ashwin and Kirti. Ashwin is an old college buddy and a techie with 17 years of experience. He loves technology, food Okay, if you want to know anything about food in Hyderabad, ashwin is your guy. He loves food, photography too, and music. His wife and friends say that he composes music after he sleeps. I can vouch for that. Kirti, a techie again she's so techie that she dreams and sleeps and talks database concepts Not daily, though. Now and then is what her husband says. She loves to explore new places and her favorite fruit is fruits and fruits and a lot more fruits. So let's talk to Kirti and Ashwin about parenting today foods.
Speaker 2:So let's talk to Kirti and Ashwin about parenting today.
Speaker 1:Hi Ashwin, hi Kirti, welcome to the podcast. Thank you, thanks for having us here. This is like after some three months of today, tomorrow, this weekend, that weekend, some Australia trip happened in the middle a lot of stuff, and you're finally here today.
Speaker 1:Absolutely yeah, I'm sorry for it. Yes, so we have known each other for a long, long time now, right? So, ashwin, we have known each other for 25 years, absolutely 25 years, 25 years. Yes, so, like we keep joking, ashwin wasn't in the college with us for all three years, but he knows more. He was there for six months, not six months Again.
Speaker 3:Even she also captured that I was there for a while.
Speaker 1:Yes, Okay, then you left for engineering. Yes, so much patience, man.
Speaker 3:I finished my first year's degree with all our folks. Yeah, I did the exam. So remember those nitty gritty things, how we've actually cracked the exam. And in the second years of time, where I got the results of the MCET, I had to make a leap.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then yeah, but then you are still the person who keeps more in touch with everybody, knows everybody's stories and remembers the stories from the last one and a half years, which you weren't even there in college, but you know what happened. So, yeah, you're somebody who always Glad I have such you. Since then, and, as it is with the friend circle, I am part with you guys. It's lovely that you know it's like a pretty much like a family, and everybody kind of is involved in everybody's business a little too much sometimes, but that's another topic, right, right? So thank you so much for coming. As you know, the topic today we are this whole season is about parenting, right, and you have a six-year-old son, uh, so let's talk about how things have been as a parent. So the first thing I want to start with, obviously, is can you have you seen yourself, um change in a way, becoming a parent?
Speaker 3:what has been the biggest change you have seen by after becoming a parent, the person you were before and Well, it's come up as a big surprise to us the kid and initially it was like, okay, let's enjoy the journey like any other parent. But as days pass by and they will know how it is and I think we've matured more as a parent and initially our thought process was different. Now we know that. I think we've matured more as a parent and initially, you know, our thought process was different. Now we know that it's a huge commitment. Initially it was like let's go with the flow, kind of thing.
Speaker 3:Patience plays a very, very important role here, like everybody says, and initially my level of patience was different and now it's way different. This is better now. It is better, as in, you keep fluctuating, to be very honest. Sometimes. Now it's a way different. This is better now it is better, as in, you keep fluctuating, to be very honest. Sometimes you know I do not have to hold my cool for a long time. Yeah, Cannot do that. And that moment I think she leaps in and she takes over control of the situation. Yeah, Thankful for that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's two way. When, yeah, yeah, it's a two-way. When I am, when I lose my control, he come, he bitches in and yeah, gives his info then tries to hold the situation yeah I think that's what about partnership is like.
Speaker 1:You know what has been the change you have noticed in you?
Speaker 2:maybe you laugh at it. I thought I was very patient. I I can't handle kids is what I used to think. It totally changed.
Speaker 1:I can imagine, you know for me you're saying that you can handle kids and you realize For me it was interesting. I am somebody you know with not a lot of patience, right, I have a short temper and everything. I always believed I was not good at kids, that I don't like kids, but the fact is I was surprised to see that I wasn't as bad as I thought I was. I did enjoy kids. I do enjoy all the kids, but again, I'm one of those that, uh, not fun aunt, right, even for the other kids. Like you want some scolding, call deepika, I'll come for it. Deepika is not the fun auntie, she's like that, come and yeah, let's say, eat your food, I'll do all of that. Yeah, I think patience is something all of us have learned quite a bit. Uh, with parenting, no matter how patient we thought we were, we are surprised post child as they grow up it gets. I have a teenager now whose answer for everything is whatever, fine, fine, oh so my son says it my name should make a nice.
Speaker 1:oh my god, that is making me even more angry.
Speaker 3:I'm not sure where he takes up lines from, to be very honest. Maybe from school, maybe from other sources, but sometimes he really comes with a bunch of surprises to us.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he knows the trick of getting us to normal when we're like upset with him, but otherwise I think the most important time for us is the mornings when he gets up and then you know, we spend some really good time as a family together and we believe that that gives a good start for him for his life, and once he's back from school, there is another checkpoint for us to spend some good time with him, and very, very fortunately, you've been working from home of late yeah and while going to bed again, there's 15 to 20 minutes of nice singing time and story playing around, playing around, yes, and then I feel happy to be part of all this, yeah I know your, your corporate background when you say it's a checkpoint for us.
Speaker 1:Okay, what has been the most memorable moment you can think I'm sure there are lots with him in all these six years growing up that instantly you remember either it was something that made you laugh or cry or pull your hair out.
Speaker 3:at that moment, I would not take much time to even think about it because, yes, one day I was at home and I get a call in the morning around eight o'clock, no, no, no, eight o'clock sometime like that. My mom, she comes panicking and she looks at me and basically she was at her mama's place, yeah, a boy. And she said, don't get scared, but I will just hurt. And the moment I heard that and all kind of thoughts run into my head yeah, and what is it like? How is what happened? How is he right now? And all of that. And slowly I call, I call her and I find out what happened. Then he said, like he went into the fridge and opened the fridge and he took a bottle cut in his knee, yeah, so I really I mean I can't forget that Then.
Speaker 2:Sambranti died. How old was he? He was three.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, young, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2:So no hospitals were open, yeah, when cold laid him and rushed running around.
Speaker 1:Man, yeah, that's stressful, it was running around. Man, yeah, that's stressful, it was bleeding.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he had around 5 stitches gone, done.
Speaker 1:Oh, I didn't know this okay.
Speaker 3:So every time he gives a surprise it's not on a very, very good head, it's on this kind of surprises, so off, late, very recently also, I've been really involved in another meeting of mine office meeting. Suddenly I got a call which says school office meeting. Suddenly I got a call which says school, school name right, the teacher is calling. Yeah, I thought teacher never called up till now. Why is she calling? And I picked up the call and said hello, is this the parent of the child? She is slowly trying to calm me down. In the call itself, yeah, said what happened? No, no, your son got hurt. He is fine, but your son got hurt to the head. I said what kind of injury Is he bleeding? No, no, no, you know kids were playing and one kid hit him on his head and he has a bruise. Oh my God. So again, this is a surprise. So when you ask me for something which is memorable, this is another story in a different way.
Speaker 2:I think he was around four and a half or something. He said Amma, you make lovely chutney, let's start a business. How cute and like surprised, like four and a half thinking of a business idea.
Speaker 1:He should continue. Maybe he should think about it. He needs to go to business school where he grows up.
Speaker 3:But he's a kid who loves his mama's food. However she makes, he's like you're fantastic, Amma, this she makes he's like she fantastic, this is the best I ever had.
Speaker 1:You know, I think she include this in the menu. I hope it stays like that. But you know, as they grow up it's slowly like mine thought my chicken curry was the best ever, my everything I cooked was the best thing ever. And then they grow up, they taste a lot of food outside. They know how to you know. Of course, now he's in a boarding school, so still for him this is still very special, like home food is still special than going out because you crave for it, all of us, and we live our way. You want it, but there are things like no, but that was also really good, yours is nice, but yeah. So he doesn't want to say it because he knows it'll hurt me, but it won't hurt me actually.
Speaker 1:But he thinks it's become over smart nowadays so he knows where he gets what he cannot, he will not ask you directly, but he knows how to ask.
Speaker 3:See, kids are big man. You'll see that I understood off late which I did not realize up front before. Oh, they're very so. Just we're in a recent trip. Okay, he loves his slushies, which which they sell in one of the gas stations. So while we sat in the car initially he says I think you guys need fuel to fuel up the car. We're going on a long drive. And then we said, no, no, yesterday itself we'll pull up the fuel. We don't need any more fuel. I think they need a coffee. Yeah, they sell a very good coffee there. I think you should buy your coffee there. No, we're not in the mood for coffee. Ah, I'll take my slushy At last. He tells why. Then we realized okay, that is the reason he wants us to go to the gas station.
Speaker 1:Now, clearly, your son is full. He has a whole different personality, right? So have you had to tailor your parenting to suit his personality and his sensibilities as he's growing up? You have to change according to how he's changing and how his personality is, because, as we all know already, there are no set rules to parenting. Different things work for different house, different parents, different children, but kids with a lot of personality, which I think all of them are. Have you had to change, and how?
Speaker 3:I would say definitely yes, because in the initial days we tried to teach him what is right, what is wrong and what passion he should take up, because he's a kid, he doesn't know anything. So I believe if we show him a way he might pick up interest in that and then move accordingly. But off late then we realize it doesn't work. So there are times when he projects the traits of what his interest lies in and what his lifestyle is as a kid.
Speaker 3:So we kind of adapt to it and we juggle between our shifts to cater to how much is needed, to our best.
Speaker 1:That's a nice one. What do you have you had to see? Did you see any change in anything?
Speaker 2:yeah, initially it was in a softer tone and then sometimes, uh, depending on the mood, I try to be a little harsh or strong, and then again, when he's fine, again a different poem and me, depending upon the mood, it changed.
Speaker 3:Correct, correct, yeah, yeah, makes sense yeah, I believe he's a kid who is, who likes to play around with food. So, even though we even though we do not have too much time to handle that because we both are busy with our meeting, but I think at least on weekends we make it a point to get some time out and spend time cooking small dishes Correct, like you know or make some small savories at home. So he likes marinating stuff, getting his hand dirty, and egg and what not. So we spend some time like that, so we do that for him I'm not surprised he's your son, so big into food.
Speaker 1:So do you also think that the societal expectations, whether the society you're living, the friends around you, your families of course, are influencing your decisions as parents and your parenting styles?
Speaker 3:being part of a joint family. It was a tough ride for me, to be very honest. Yeah, yes, I was getting influenced with multiple people around.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But one good, I would say. I'm fortunate to have a lovely group of friends, correct, and when I spend some time with them and I pick up, you know a lot of things from their experience, I try to, you know, embed them in my lifestyle and it really great helps. Yes, but yeah, influence is there in a positive note of late, with friends around, but yeah, as family definitely trying to convince them with a lot of difference of opinion, uh, definitely it's a tough task but yes, we do get some stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like this is coming from this end, this is coming from this end. We discuss among ourselves and then think what is better and what works for you?
Speaker 1:yes, absolutely yeah. That was my next question I said actually, with your core friend circle either there are kids which are grown up or there are toddlers and you have. You know your son is in the middle, so has their parenting style or perspectives. Clearly you have said they have helped you and how has it influenced you? What kind of things you can give example if you remember, or just you know. How has that no?
Speaker 3:um, yeah, I have a couple of friends which I really pick up from and, uh, when we meet very frequently, yes, I even see how, when the kid is behaving in a certain manner, how the person is taking up hold of the situation and then how he calms down the whole situation without much of a noise. So I think that's very important. And when we discuss how to dodge that, how to dodge kind of dodge that situation then and handle it very, very, you know, I will not say use that word professionally.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But you were very well-mannered. Yeah, at a later point of time, making the kid understand what was a mistake that he or she has done, yeah, so I've learned that definitely from friends.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what about your friend circle, or the common friend circle, anything that you have seen around you, your family, your cousins and anybody?
Speaker 2:definitely like the way they handle things, yeah, and the way they make them understand yeah, that helps from being my sister or other friends of mine, yeah, yeah, that definitely hurts, yeah.
Speaker 1:I think, because you know this is something as when you have like five, six year olds, it dawns on parents that your children are actually little adults. You have to talk to them like you're talking to an adult with ego, with anger. You know they have ego, they have anger, they have expectations. So to remember that and have a conversation, because when you are upset and somebody says, stop being upset, it's not a big deal, it doesn't help, it just makes you more upset. You have to just deal with the situation. Later, if somebody tells me that listen, you know, this is what it was, you shouldn't have that time it doesn't hurt so much. And I think it's the same with the kids too.
Speaker 1:At that moment you will let them ride out their feelings and emotions. Let them get, get it out without, like I keep telling my sons sons did I say hourly? Well, I keep telling my son that it's okay to be angry, it's okay to get upset, it's okay to feel hurt, to feel jealousy, to feel envy. All are natural human emotions, but how you express them, how you react and get out that feeling is what matters. So getting angry and saying I don't want to talk about this now is fine, but getting angry and yelling or throwing something, it isn't helping your case, it's just making it worse. I think conversations with children really helps them and they watch us. So if I give him this advice but I'm the one yelling when I'm angry, it's not going to help at all.
Speaker 3:He'll just say you do the same thing so, personally, for me, it's learning on a daily basis and I'm still learning even as we speak. Yeah, so it's our aims teleguidance and, to be very honest, I think I'm training myself, like you just mentioned yeah to keep your calm and in a situation and then dealing it uh with it with a later point of time.
Speaker 3:There are many situations like uh, where I react. I used to react immediately like, if suppose the kid is like when I'm in core meeting and I'm talking, but his kid a kid like he comes and he naps in between and he says I want that, I want that. So at that point of time I do not have any other opportunity but yell, yell, yeah, I do not have any other opportunity, but yell, yell, yeah, I do not have any other opportunity. I'll just put myself mute in the meeting and I yell and say do not come into the room. So I don't know how to handle that situation. It's still a learning process.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think it's fair. Sometimes you have to cut ourselves some slack to give ourselves some grace. Also that and we can't always. There are no set rules always going for us. Someday the meeting is already going crappy or it's something stressful. You can't at that moment be. At least I don't have that zen in me. I have yelled at my son so many times, so often, but I think one of my friend had reminded me, had told me once that, don't worry, he was a single. He's a single child also and he grew up in a house where the mother was very busy. He told me that you know, don't worry, your son is going to appreciate everything. He'll remember and he'll appreciate. He's not going to be like my mother always yelled at me or she was always working. So I would like to tell that to you guys also. Yeah, you know he will. When he grows up he will understand because he will see others life and he realized it's not easy no, he, he wants to directly get rid of he was quite behind.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean, that's the next generation, so the way it comes up onto you, you don't know how to react. He said what do you just say? I mean out of it? No, yeah, I mean, I've seen you people work and I don't want to be through all this. I'll just retire. With what? With my pocket money? He says who has given you? I've been saving it.
Speaker 2:He say when I was a kid I'm like oh, when I grow adult I can earn my money, Then I can have whatever I want. That tells you this generation is very smart.
Speaker 1:They already know working and all is a waste of. It's not a waste of time, but I'd rather not do it, but unfortunately for him, there is no escape, unless you just hit a jackpot and you leave a trust fund for it.
Speaker 2:Yeah. But coming to your point again yeah, leave a trust fund for it, yeah, but uh, coming to your point again yeah, yes, I totally agree with you. Uh, telling him at that moment yeah, he does not understand it. After he comes, comes down after some time, when we tell him, that is when he actually understands. Yeah, yeah, always that works now.
Speaker 1:You said talked about learning, that you are learning. What about his learning Like? How do you encourage learning beyond what is taught in school and what do you think about the current education system?
Speaker 3:So, basically, again, thanks to my friends, again and to you when you share books, yeah, so we make it a point for him to read up a few stories when he's back home or at some point whenever he's free, and tell us you know what he's free and tell us you know what he has read and understood of the story. So I'm very happy to say this, but he, he doesn't even miss a point, he just tells everything. He's a very smart child, by the way and then we'll ask him why do you think that is right and why do you think this is wrong? So there, he kind of gives his judgment. You know why he feels what is right and what is wrong, and then we educate him if it is not correct.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, this is one activity that he does on a daily basis. Sometimes he misses the day, though, but yeah, yeah, that's fun. And then we try to put him into some activity. I personally am inclined towards music, so I try to push him a bit to learn some. You know the key about a piano, but yeah, I think this is what he does outside of his schooling regular hours.
Speaker 2:We also take him out, where he can explore other stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So when I'm out for shopping, I'll ask him to explore. Yeah, but he has a limit to ask stuff, okay, there, he also understands that he can't get everything and anything. Yeah, so we need to set some limits here and there, yeah.
Speaker 1:Do you feel pressure in terms of keeping up with other parents with regards to your child's achievement, because you know other friends with a similar age group, his classmates? Not a pill now, at least.
Speaker 2:Not a pill now least not a pill now yes, uh, fortunately we do not take up much pressure yeah uh, we parents are like it's okay with what he is and he's pretty smart, he picks up things pretty quickly. Though we were on a vacation for like 21 days, he is back to his, back to the level where he is. He participates in all the other stuff, like Spell, the International Spell, the Competition, math, olympiad, and everywhere he is above average, yeah, so he doesn't get angry with other people.
Speaker 3:What about you?
Speaker 1:I'm not saying him he's fine. As long as he's fine, I'm very fine. Yeah, like the pressure we feel. You know like oh no, this kid is going to football also and music also, but where are we like you? Know, we have to send and yeah.
Speaker 2:Again, both of us are busy. When we are not giving time, we can't expect from the kid.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that was something which was, you know, that set the deal in our house too. We didn't have the time. So how does it matter whose kid is doing what? Because I can't keep up with it, I can't do it.
Speaker 1:Initially I used to feel the pressure, Definitely. I won't lie that. You know I am so busy. What's the point? Like I'm so busy in my life, I am not doing what I'm doing for my kid, but the fact is I'm working this hard also, pretty much honestly, for my kid. I would still be somebody, would work a lot, but this need for, you know, reaching somewhere. I don't know if I'll have so much if I didn't have a kid and try to build something for him. So I was already doing my part and also lucky. I think it's good that we didn't put him in a lot of things, because as they grow up, the time decreases, right, they don't have the time to do a lot of activities, and then you start feeling like, oh no, we are letting go of things. So if there is nothing, you can just maintain that one sport. He always played a sport in LA. You can just maintain that one sport. He always played a sport.
Speaker 3:That's all we did. But I honestly feel every kid is different. Again, we can't impose anything on our kids saying that, hey, look at those kids, they're doing well in two or three activities, so this guy might be very good in the fourth activity and channelize only on that. Correct. So I think he's too young for me to even think on what he can build on. He's now young for me to even think on what he can, you know, build on. He is now a bubbly guy exploring everything whatever possible okay right, which is the best thing, which is the best thing.
Speaker 3:So when time comes, though, I will not pressure him. I know that for sure, because I've seen it all there's no point in running beyond any in a rat race. So if you pursue something, and if this is what I'm interested in, no matter what it is, let let it be the best, yeah.
Speaker 1:I think I agree, because it was the same when I was growing up my mother, I think. Whatever. Growing up in a small town in the 80s and 90s, what did you have? You did not have a lot of options. So, whatever class was near home stitching, soft toy making, dance, music, harmonium everything my mom sent me painting. I can't even remember how many things I had to do this. Yeah, I went for every damn thing possible. The one thing that I genuinely loved and stuck to was dancing. I was learning classical dancing and I stuck to it.
Speaker 1:So that was my idea with my son too that I will expose you to as many things I can and you pick what you like and they can see that. So he picked football, which I wasn't happy with, only for the fact that it was a really long drive to take him to the coaching and bring him back. And we did see him performing better with racket sports. So he was really good with badminton and tennis and everything. Uh well, not a lot in my control. No, in the boarding school, what we hear is I scored three goals, I stopped two goals. So he's back to what he lost. End of the day as a parent, because we are not looking for him to become a national champion or anything. We don't have those kind of. You know, that's a whole different lifestyle. We are not interested. So till he's active, till he's enjoying playing, bonding, learning, teamwork, single child, that's a thing always in your head. For them to learn how to be with other kids, we are happy and set.
Speaker 2:So we are also having the same plan. Expose him to multiple things. Let him pick. Okay, one art, one sport.
Speaker 1:Correct. I agree. Same. I agree. He's learning Bridangam in school and he's playing tennis and football both, so we are like that's it.
Speaker 2:One art, one swana one keeps him calm. As far as his energy, energy and physical energy, he's in a momentous.
Speaker 1:What do you? How are you managing the exposure to screen time and devices with him?
Speaker 3:That is one tough thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Initially it was very tough. Right now I think he's come to an age where he understands. So what I do basically, again, I use social media to scare him for social media. So there are reels, very fortunately, which says how kids are really getting affected and you know how they become aggressive if the parent takes away the iPad and all that Exactly. So I show him.
Speaker 3:Look at this kid, the moment Instagram comes up he's like his eyes and ears and everything is concentrating on what I'm showing and he grabs maximum from the phone. Say, look at that boy, you know, see how he's reacting. The moment his mama picks up the iPad from his hand and the boy goes left right, center, he'll become very aggressive in that video. He said do you want to become like this? He said no, no, no, I don't want to see phone. Then for three to four days he doesn't touch phone. So that's very good. So like that, slowly. Next I'll keep hunting for videos where now the the next gadget is TV, so just child sees the TV and then, if he, I save them and show it to him. Then I also show him the positive side, how kids, when they get engaged with better activities and how they turn up in social media itself. So when I show them, he understands from that and then, yeah, that's one thing which I think it really helps me.
Speaker 2:Lohan no, he could cut that.
Speaker 3:It's supposed to be, otherwise he used to not see Basically in his life. Fortunately, apart from parents, he's got his lovely grandparents, whom he listens to a lot, and then his aunts, like my sister and brother, and even though they tell he understands that effect is only there for like couple days a week, but this video it's more than that. So why not? It helps for like couple days a week, but this video it's more than that.
Speaker 1:So why not? Are you worried about this? You know, or have you seen the influence of social media on his social skills or technology on his social skills ever? Have you seen it? If he's exposed too much, do you see some differences in his personality?
Speaker 2:Yes, I observe that your concentration, the decrease in the concentration. He gets distracted fast again, um, but once he gets that concentration back he sits and does the work very needy and, uh, very quick. That is there initially a little, but once he's settled down then he's fine, yeah, so coming to the media thing, we also set a time limit. You have been watching for 30 minutes and we are done with it. Please turn it off. Thankfully we can hill stand buggingly.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we have apps which actually monitor his time. And what is what exactly? So, yeah, and this reelsels right. When nothing satisfies you, you want more. And what is like next? You anxiety? Yeah, that clearly shows up when he's actually studying. He is not happy with anything for a long time. So what next? What next? Even though he's out of social media now for a long time, he doesn't and he cannot entertain himself like he cannot keep himself busy. If he gets around 30 seconds to one minute for himself, he says what can I do now? I'm free? What should I do now?
Speaker 1:I'm bored, I'm bored, yeah, absolutely we learn that it's great when I say I'm alone on my holidays, solo travels, that's where all my business ideas have come. Like, sitting by yourself, thinking of nothing else, that's when your brain works. No, I agree, the whole anxiety, what you said, loss of concentration, loss of interest or satisfaction. Like our son uh, of course he grew up that age was, you know, six, seven years ago. He did not have social media but all the gaming, video gaming, right. So we did not allow him on our phones at all. But he wouldn't go to my husband's parents' house and there my parents-in-law have a logic that we did parenting to our kids. We are done. We'll just spoil our grandchild. Parenting is your problem. Like, we are not gonna, you know, take care of all of that, not like God, take care of it. But we don't want to scold him, right, he comes for a day, comes for half a day. We don't want to scold him, right, he comes for a day, comes for half a day. We don't want to. He's going to get whatever he wants. Um, this was then they have. They are not like that anymore. They are also like, okay, like you know, growing up kid, so he, uh, he would be given phone, tv, a tab, whatever you want, you should literally be on one phone. The phone is running out of charge, you leave, pick up the next phone. So he would be doing that gaming right, the subway surfer and all those things he used to play.
Speaker 1:He would come back from a weekend and literally, for us it was like an addict. He would ask for TV. We will say no, not right now, because in our house TV is not always on. You're like, everybody sits on dining table and eats. That is. For us, it's different. We do sit down on the couch watching a show which everybody watches together. That's our thing, you know, and he loves food, shows and stuff, so we watch that.
Speaker 1:You say no, he would scream like you know, clench his fists, yell and like his body would go rigid and I hate you, nobody loves me, and all of those things will happen. Uh, and literally we would be like, okay, de-addiction has to begin. And we used to not switch on anything. Let him yell, let him scream. It used to take a whole day for him to recover, literally. So then we had to make rules that if he's not listening and he's getting access to devices there, we just don't get to go a whole weekend. Now you spend a day. We drop you in the morning. By evening we pick you back. So that was a punishment for both of them.
Speaker 1:My in-laws had my son, basically, but that's how it had to be and you can see them changing so quickly like a weekend. The change was massive. And now, of course, he's 13, so and he has a phone. We have to. You know, we can give them a phone which is not. He doesn't have it on him. It will be with the house parent, in the school. It's used for when they're flying, because now they're all flights, right. So how do parents keep in touch, like, have you boarded or flight gets canceled, how do you book them another flight and things? So you have to give them.
Speaker 1:But which also means that when he's at home, he has his phone on the youtube reels. So he doesn't have instagram but youtube shots, like the shots, oh my god, it's non-stop, it's. And so we put all these locks on the phone. It automatically switches off, automatically locks everything, but, like you said rightly, the the effect, the influence on their personality humongous. Yeah, now coming to we did. You know, nutrition to the brain. Let's talk about nutrition to the body. How do you make sure that he gets a balanced and nutritious meal, because six-year-olds can get a little finicky with their food.
Speaker 2:I'll make sure that I. He says I don't want to eat vegetables, I hate vegetables. Yeah, I just say him you have to eat. What is that? I'm not going to make another dish for you. What is those? You have to finish. And I won the plate key.
Speaker 3:So I'm the one who spoils him a bit. Actually, that's the business. Yeah, and all his sweet addictions come from me. Yeah, because, yeah, I tend to take him once in a while to places where you get some real rich food.
Speaker 1:The food you love. No, ashwin, I see it and my arteries start shutting down, they start clocking, like the amount of how rich the food is. But I mean it's okay, yeah, so once in a while I think till.
Speaker 1:It is a healthy appreciation for food and doesn't turn into something he just, you know, craves more or wants more. Fine, but but you know, I'm curious because my son also was somebody who hated to eat vegetables at that age, and my niece right now also. It's like a big task. She's like I eat this, I eat this, and I eat only this, and this has to be cooked only this way, and things like that. If he says I just won't eat, does it ever happen that you have to give in? Or he? You know, how do you manage that?
Speaker 2:I'll say this is the meal time. Yeah, if you are not eating the meal and closing the kitchen, there is no more food at all. Yeah, again, the kitchen opens only in the night. He listens, he actually follows her. He first starts crying he was in yelling and then he'll start slowly, slowly, he'll start eating. Yeah, so that ear off.
Speaker 1:That's a nice trick. I should go tell my sister this is what you should do.
Speaker 3:That's what I did with my son also the other thing is we put him in a spot and I do that very well because he kinds of it comes with the age and he's a boy. He tries to show off. So when he's in a group of friends I pick up that he loves vegetables. You guys want to see him eat the vegetables. Now he cannot say no, yes, I love vegetables. And he sure he's a kind of shows muscle. All his muscles have got eating veggies, said broccoli, put some on his plate. Then he happily has it. And then we tell him see, because you're having veggies, you're getting stronger nowadays. Next time when you go to your friends you tell them that because all this comes with the veggies and you should eat. Yes, nana, I think I'll do that. Ostoli kind of adds it on his menu.
Speaker 2:So he started just now in the car, while we were coming, before dropping him off, he was like I want to quit on sweets. I do not want outside food. Wow, I will only healthy food from now on. In the house who said I'm that, you, I'm okay. Next moment Ashwin said oh, I was planning for a family night. Then he's like yes, we can have it today.
Speaker 3:Samba night is three of us chilling, having some juice and all that Some drinks, some food which is like a cheat meal for him, and he said no, just now you said we cannot have fancy food outside. I think it's an exception for a family name.
Speaker 1:Well, he's a kid the other day Now talking about food and in general also, do you try to inculcate or incorporate rather some traditional and cultural influences in his diet and in his lifestyle, to keep up the traditions and everything?
Speaker 3:More than traditional. I think she believes in the protein food Healthy, Healthy protein food.
Speaker 2:Protein is what I try to heal her.
Speaker 3:So I think eggs and some vegetables and some carbs are definite in his meal and fruits, but there's nothing cultural or something Snack box.
Speaker 2:It is one boiled egg, one fruit and a few dry fruits. Yeah, nice so, and for the lunch I make carrot rice Some or the other way. I try to add veggies A little comes, yeah.
Speaker 1:So I remember my son would eat anything paratha, any paratha is fine. So stuff that paratha with everything you think and that's it. He'll eat paratha with tomato sauce. I'm like that's okay, stuff the paratha, paneer veggies, everything possible and yeah.
Speaker 3:But you never know dp, sometimes we and we learn that yeah, if there are a lot of veggies.
Speaker 3:That day he becomes a giver in a school. Like his friends enjoy the food that she cooks and how we know. Their parents call her and they find out how did you make today's lunch? Can you give us a recipe? Then we come and ask him did you share your food today? He said he kind of understands that we got to know somehow. And then, yeah, my friends, like first, he says they snatched my tiffin, they ate my lunch so I did.
Speaker 2:What I did was I did the paneer and broccoli, some dry stuff kind of thing. I rolled it in the chapati and kept it so that he can just pick it and eat it instead of, yeah, having some dessert.
Speaker 3:So he just took the rolls and distributed it so they call parents, call and find out how did you make the recipe? They'll be happy for him to share, but he should also pick up something from their boxes and then share and eat, right. So he comes hungry. And how, that day he comes like the moment he opens the door he says why is that there? What's cooking for dinner? There's no, there is nothing, absolutely. And there is no connection between the next sentence. Then understand, he is hungry, something has formed. And then, what do you want? He said, maggie, I want noodles, he wants indomie and some junk food.
Speaker 1:And we can't say no at that moment correct, you can't at that moment, you can't so for that once we just give what he wants, and then we educate him later my son also.
Speaker 1:He would throw a fit when he's angry, just scream and cry. They're like you're hungry, you need to. I am not hungry, I'm just like this, is it? So you'll force on two bites, literally two bites, and he'll just drop. So sweet that that melody ad used to be there. No melody, I think. It's about 5% Marriage and you Never. And then you give a 5% or something. It's just marriage and you. It's pretty much that Like it's Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. So how do you introduce topics like kindness, respect and empathy? Because kids at that age, they are designed to be taking care of themselves, so the idea of forcing them to share, forcing them to, not always works, but things like being kind, being empathetic, understanding somebody is upset, so you have to go with the flow and have to respect. How do you talk about these things with him if you need to?
Speaker 3:To be honest, I don't know if this is the right way for me to educate him, but I show him when kids are not in the right way. So when we are in a birthday party, let's suppose, or when we are in a place where a lot of other kids and all don't behave, you know very well. So if there's any kid who is like absolutely not behaving in a proper manner, so if the kid sees that the parents are really yelling at them or they're upset about the kid, she'd never be like that because she's spoiling the whole situation there. Suppose you steal something and run away from the place In birthday parties it all happens. It happens, yeah. So you cannot be like that. So it's called bad kids. So when he sees that kids from there, he learns. I don't know if it's right or wrong, but I do that to educate him. You talk also. He is a kid who understands, but still he's a kid. Ultimately he wants to do naughty stuff.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 3:So yeah, we educate him in that fashion.
Speaker 2:Some live examples yeah, without the example they will not understand because they don't know what it is. Yeah, so when he is trying to talk to someone he doesn't have a habit of addressing people I want it Correct. We do not respond. Yeah, who are you talking to? We don't know who you're talking to if you address, that is that we know. Yeah, so we try to tell him with examples and in the situation.
Speaker 1:otherwise they do not understand, correct no, I I understand because in the recent times, as my son is 13, so I keep showing him all these boys driving rashly on the road and I keep telling, asking him will you be a teenager like when? Will you be like that? One of those idiots driving like?
Speaker 3:live example he's like no, never.
Speaker 1:So I make it a point to let him know that this is very, very uh, not only unsafe, but it's annoying. People around you do not like you if you do that. And sitting in the car with me he also sees a bike cuts. What a stressful situation it can become and stuff like that. So, yeah, I understand the whole life example.
Speaker 3:My son will never cut anybody on the road because he knows how another person reacts by looking at me.
Speaker 1:Your road rage is. I haven't experienced it till date. So I have heard about it a lot in all these years and never got to. So next time you're going somewhere, I'm sitting with you. I have become a peace mantra nowadays. I've heard about it a lot in all these years and never got to. So next time you're going somewhere, I'm sitting with you, Vikas.
Speaker 3:I've become a peace mantra nowadays. Yeah, sometimes it ticks in when maniacs, you know, behave in a very wrong way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can't help it, man. I also have a certain level of road rage. So, yeah, I understand it. What kind of lessons from your childhood have you tried to you know? If you remember anything have you tried to incorporate in your parenting or avoid like things you know you saw growing up or you experienced growing up?
Speaker 2:okay, my parents never used to do that, but I see other parents doing that. That is the main thing we try to avoid. And also putting too much pressure, be it studies, be it whatever it may be. Uh, not put too much pressure on the kids. Each kid is different, so what about you? Anything?
Speaker 3:no, I don't think so. I just run with the flow, but give him the best possible. I I don't really have any such memories where, uh, in my childhood there's too many people in my family like uncles, aunties we used to be around 15 members living under one roof, yeah, so I don't remember one person, uh, taking care of me in a certain way and the other person taking care of me in a certain way, because then I was in bits and pieces with everybody. So I don't have any such memory. Like you know where I can pick up. These are the good things I pick up from person egg, these are the white things which I do not have to pick up, something like that. So I just try to give, I just try to spoil a bit, and she picks up.
Speaker 1:Now, how is it parenting and bringing up a child in pros and cons, or bringing a child in a joint family?
Speaker 3:You should be ready to take you know you should be more patient to take advice from many people if you're in a joint family, but ultimately not everything is right advice for many people if you're in a joint family but ultimately not everything is right. Yeah, if they give from their share of advice with their experience, that could not fit in right for your kid, correct? So you should know what's best for your kid and then take everything and do what you like.
Speaker 2:We discuss among ourselves and then come up with what is correct and yeah, ultimately we.
Speaker 3:The things change also, nadip, the thing is in that generation maybe that was right at that moment In this generation it's still old school, so there's a different way of parenting, a different way to teach him. So things change. So you'll have to satisfy them by hearing to them, and then you have to act accordingly to cater to your kid basically.
Speaker 1:But the advantage is also that a lot of babysitters right, Ah, yes cater to your kid yeah, basically.
Speaker 3:But the advantage is also that a lot of babysitters right, oh, yes, yeah, I should say hands down grandparents and, uh, yeah, they have been a great support for us up till now yeah, I think yeah for all of us.
Speaker 1:Pretty much our parents live in the same city, so it's been uh for me also. I don't think I would have been able to do all these things if I didn't have my parents and my in-laws in the same city. There's a huge support. That's a blessing, absolutely. What are your biggest hopes and dreams for him?
Speaker 3:no hopes, no dreams. To be very honest, expectations killed stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's I agree.
Speaker 1:I think I just say uh me the best thing which he likes happen and I just keep thinking I want him to be happy, but I want him to be happy in life and and I think that's enough Whatever works for him, whatever it is. Yeah, you know all of this. You know you guys work so many hours a day, I do know, because half the time on weekdays it's impossible to even get on a call with you guys to. You know I missed you and I missed you. That keeps going on. If I call either one of you and and you know, even if you are on a weekend, you do have a lot of chores at home and things to do how do you take time out for yourself personally as the person? You are, not the parent, not the spouse for your mental and physical health?
Speaker 3:so we take turns, like I said, and basically I kind of unwind myself by meeting my friends and on the weekends and she is busy with her parents sometimes when she really wants to have that's very, very minimal, to be very honest. Her time then she kind of spends with her cousins or some kind of a family. That's all the family members.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Thankfully we have common friends as well, so the boy will be busy with again. Grandparents where we kind of meet up and spend some time have conversations. Grandparents where we kind of meet up and spend some time have conversations like this, where we learn a lot from each other's experience.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what about you? What do you do for yourself?
Speaker 2:So weekend for him it is always going to Amma Ma's home. Yeah, he's happy there. He has lots of friends, so he has his own time. He has his own friends, so he has his own dime. He has his own dime, see everyone is happy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, perfect. My husband would always. Abhinav would always complain that because my parents live right upstairs. I never go to my parents' house Like he's like everybody talks about. Wife has gone to parents' house. My wife never leaves the home. She's always around. I keep telling him you go to your parents house, like you have that option. Finally, what advice, if any, would you like to give other parents, uh, who have children of similar age, bringing up their kids in this technology driven, fast-paced life, if you ask me.
Speaker 3:I think I'll say just live the experience, do not have much expectation and do not enforce a lot of things on kids, and then enjoy the journey. Basically and I understand, because of a lot of pressures on us, we kind of sometimes ourselves give up and yell and be angry, and then there's some wonderful times, but it's a journey again, like I said. So we have to enjoy the journey. That's it To try to bring up the journey, that's it To try to bring up the kid in a. You know better than our experiences.
Speaker 2:So I would also say the same thing Do not have much expectations. Giving them a healthy lifestyle, healthy food and, in a certain way, giving them proper responsibilities and teaching them respect, empathy, yeah, and then let them lead their life, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was lovely. I think that's the best way to look at it, because what we have set tone and understood all this while is that there is no set rule for parenting right. So I think, keeping in mind that your child's happiness, mental and physical growth, you know good environmental, emotional environment around them is all you have to work on. Everything else comes and goes and it's fine. Thank you so much. That was it, see it was easy peasy.
Speaker 3:That was a wonderful conversation and a very good time that we had.
Speaker 1:Thank you. I have been told I'm good. No, okay, please, everybody listening, I am, I'm very humble. I'm not saying that I'm really good, but this is what I say to pep myself up also sometimes. But yeah, thank you so much. It was great and an excuse to meet you, uh, too also, even if it is very, very short, but thank you for coming again thanks, zp, thanks for having us.
Speaker 3:Thank you, thank you for coming again.
Speaker 1:Thanks, zippy, thanks for having us, thank you. Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode of the Inspired Life. We hope you found some motivation and insights to fuel your own journey. If you love this conversation, don't forget to hit that subscribe button and leave us a review. It really helps us reach more like-minded dreamers just like you. And for more inspiration between episodes, follow us on Instagram at the Inspired Life Podcast. We share behind-the-scenes moments, quotes from our guests and all the good vibes to keep you inspired every day. If you have an unconventional story or unique path you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Reach out to us on Instagram or send us a message. Who knows, maybe you could be our next guest. Until next time, keep chasing what lights you up. Stay inspired.