The Inspired Life
The Inspired Life
Swiggy It: Modern Parenting in the Age of Technology and Convenience
Parenthood transforms us in ways we never imagined - from carefree individuals to responsible role models navigating the complex terrain of raising children who watch our every move. In this heartfelt conversation, Deepika welcomes Viral and Siddhi, parents of two boys who share their decade-long journey through the challenges of modern parenting.
The trio explores the delicate balance of raising siblings just two years apart, with the elder now navigating the turbulent waters of adolescence while the younger observes and follows. Viral describes how he and Siddhi seamlessly transition between "good cop" and "bad cop" roles depending on the situation, while Siddhi reveals the unique challenges of being the only woman in a household of males.
Technology emerges as a particularly thorny issue, with parents torn between legitimate needs for communication and education versus the constant distraction of screens. Their thoughtful approach includes reasonable time limits and monitoring rather than outright prohibition - acknowledging that in today's world, complete avoidance is neither practical nor beneficial.
Perhaps most touching is their discussion about raising emotionally healthy boys in a society still clinging to outdated gender expectations. From teaching essential life skills like cooking and cleaning to encouraging appropriate emotional expression, Viral and Siddhi model a progressive approach to parenting that rejects the notion that "boys don't cry" or that household chores are gendered responsibilities.
Whether you're raising teenagers, preparing for that stage, or simply interested in the evolving landscape of modern parenting, this episode offers genuine insights, practical wisdom, and the comforting reminder that we're all figuring it out together. Subscribe now and join our community of parents navigating this beautiful, challenging journey.
If you like what you hear, subscribe and follow us on Spotify, iTunes and Amazonmusic. A new episode will come out every 1st and 15th of a month. You can also follow us on Instagram on theinspiredlifepodcast. If you want to mail me to discuss some of the things we are talking here or have a story to share on this podcast, email me at theinspiredlifeindia@gmail.com. This is Deepika and I thank you for listening.
Welcome back to Inspired Life. I'm your host, deepika Rao, a fitness and behavior coach and, most importantly in this season, a parent navigating this ever-evolving journey of raising a teenager. In today's episode, I am joined by two people I met years ago at my son's first school Veerle and Siddhi. Veerle is a financial consultant balancing numbers and family life, while Siddhi is a homemaker managing the beautiful chaos of raising two boys. So grab a cup of chai, settle in and let's get real about the joys and struggles of raising two boys. In today's world, you won't say a word, or what today?
Speaker 2:Yes, I will.
Speaker 3:You have to speak Only yes, no.
Speaker 2:What is this?
Speaker 1:Only yes, you haven't come here to see a girl, Siddhi. It can't be only yes, and no, okay, you are speaking so softly that with the mic on you still I don't think you'll capture your voice, I'm sure. Right. Thank you, Veeral and Siddhi. Thanks for joining me today. As you know, we are running the season on parenting.
Speaker 3:This season is on parenting and I realized that this is the largest circle of my friends, our parents, Because that's pretty much you know, once you become a parent, your life revolves around your children, and so does your social circle.
Speaker 1:And I literally had to you know, think how many if I start doing, doing this next two years my season will be only parenting because I, you know, to get all the parents on the episode on the show.
Speaker 1:But you know, of course, you guys, we, you are a big part of my parenting journey or my child's journey, because our sons have been friends since nursery, since they were three years old, and since then I have known you guys, so close to 10-11 years now. Right, and how has it been? I'll start with first how has it been being parents? What do you think has been the biggest change in your life once you became parents?
Speaker 3:it's a long time ago, but yeah. I think the one word that strikes is it's been a transformational journey From being an easy-go, lucky person to being a responsible individual. While you're being responsible, you also have to consider the old saying monkey see, monkey go, where what you do is exactly what your child will start mimicking, if not immediately, but over a period of time.
Speaker 1:You know we can give as many lectures to our kids as we want, but they are going to do what they see us doing. So if we don't follow what we are saying, it's useless.
Speaker 3:So yeah, like I said, one word for parenting as a journey transformation.
Speaker 1:Yeah. What about you, sandeep? How has it been like being a mom of two kids? Two?
Speaker 2:boys. First of all, it's like the best gift God has given me the day I became a mom. So, yes, I'm enjoying this responsibility too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's nice. I'm sure it's a handful. Two boys. How is that Two boys in the house?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so she always feels left alone she's always, you know, standing all by herself, with the three of us ganged as one group. But I think the credit goes to Cindy for sure, because, even though she is all by herself, she continues to be self motivated, she continues to ensure that our lives aren't getting impacted for whatsoever reasons. So, even when she is unwell, even when she has her hands full, she ensures that our priorities are taken care of, which is all three, three of us while ensuring everything else around continues to go as smoothly as possible.
Speaker 3:Absolutely without a break. Yeah, so I think I have lately realized the impact she has on all three of us from a perspective where I might be in the worst of my moods. I might be in the best of my moods, but I've only seen a smile on her face and the two boys also. Like I said, monkey, see, monkey, do they try and mimic me in most cases, and it's always Siddhi who is on the receiving end when such things happen.
Speaker 3:Now I have got to a point where, if they, have done something that I have done in the past, I at least make it a point to correct them and I say, hey, you got to do what you got to do, but you got to do it right. You can't do things which in any way could belittle her or demean her yeah so I'm I'm making a conscious effort right now to at least coach the boys saying, hey, this is not acceptable.
Speaker 3:Yeah software I realized that maybe what I was doing was not like the best thing yeah but the two of us have fun and we have our fun in terms of teasing each other and sort of, you know, pulling each other's leg but maybe you know at my end I was sort of doing it with the kids around and somewhere I realized that maybe that's not the right approach. I think I've now made corrections and I make it a point for them to realize that, hey, you've got to give her more respect than you give me, because she's the one who's doing everything around us to ensure our lives don't get hampered in any way.
Speaker 1:Beautiful Siddhi. What's your most memorable moment with each of your child? Anything, it could be something that made you laugh, something that made you cry and pull your hair out saying what is this? The most the moment you think of your older son, the most memorable moment.
Speaker 3:I think it was his first birthday, right yeah? I think she'll be able to explain it better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think she will be able to explain it better.
Speaker 1:We planned so much for him, actually, and he was crying, so, of course, it was like something you can never forget, like the kid keeps crying and the whole plan is in vain.
Speaker 2:We couldn't do that and we don't have one picture also. He was crying then On my husband's birthday.
Speaker 1:we did a three day birthday party Because it was the main birthday. We didn't want to invite everyone, but there are so many people in my husband's and my husband's family in Hyderabad that if we don't invite everyone for the first birthday, it will be bad, but our family is like this we do drink, our circles do eat meat and our families don't.
Speaker 1:So we couldn't have them mixing. So we had one birthday party for only family, which was 100 people at that time, pure vegetarian food and cold drink. Then we had another birthday party where it's all meat and alcohol, only friends and, I think, my son the main birthday it wasn't birthday which was for all the parents or grandparents.
Speaker 4:He has some photos in that.
Speaker 1:The rest of the photos.
Speaker 2:he is crying, screaming, we don't have a single photograph, and everything was so messed up because the Talangana formation was going on. So here rally, there rally, and everybody was late. Actually the decorators, the food, everything. What about the younger one? What was the most memorable moment? That was the first day when he went to this playgroup actually. So I thought he'll be crying and all that, but he was very happy.
Speaker 1:So, seeing him happy, I was relaxed, you know, okay, he can manage and that's what we want end of the day, you know, Like when my son went to boarding school too first, two months by then he's already grown up, he was already 12.
Speaker 1:But you are a parent. You have never lived away from your kid. I didn't sleep for the first two weeks because the first call is two weeks later, so you get calls every two weeks. So first two weeks I slept, ate, went to sleep. My husband was literally because I was like one out of movie scenes. No, like just sitting and staring doing my work, but like call, you hear, he's happy, you become relaxed. Still two months I did struggle a lot. Two months later we visited him for the first time and his first thing, one of the first few sentences after saying hi, hugging, and all of that, why did you send me here so late? Oh, why didn't you send me in fourth standard? Because the school starts in fourth. And that's when I was like, okay, you know, I'm happy now.
Speaker 1:Like for a minute I was like I am here without sleep. And you are saying why didn't you send? Me you are ready to leave me and go, but it's a parenting win, because if your child is happy without you being hovering around them you brought them up well it's a good sign they are independent and ready to go experiment. So I think that's like a. Definitely my son also. I remember him saying because those nursery me CV me pehla day do maina, those didis used to come to pick him.
Speaker 1:And this one was very happy holding didis hand, turning back and like waving at me, smiling and like I'm leaving. Yeah, okay, important question One being a teenager, son, and one being younger how old is the younger one?
Speaker 3:Nine, ten, twelve, oh he's twelve already.
Speaker 1:I'm thinking he's ten or something. Wow.
Speaker 4:Okay, twelve.
Speaker 1:And he's fourteen right, he turned fourteen yeah the otherth, 14th. How is it the challenges of navigating how to bring up a teenager versus a younger child? Is it something because they are only 2 years apart? So is it something you have difficulties dealing with or it's by and goes around?
Speaker 3:It is. You know, they go through a lot of hormonal changes at that age. At the same time, they are now aware of the world outside. Especially with the advent of technology and the advent of data being available to them at their fingertips, I think they are more aware of what is it that they want or what is it that they can do.
Speaker 3:So it sometimes so happens that the doofus you know, without speaking a word or without uttering a word, turn to become the good cop or the bad cop. So it sometimes so happens that he's maybe not scored as well in maybe an internal review, and she immediately turns to be the bad cop. So I, on the other hand, have to, in a sign language, tell her that it's okay, I am going to be the good cop for some time. You don't sort of push this too hard. Also, because at this age where they are, it can have a daunting effect on their mind and they will then continue to sort of behave in a similar manner as they grow, and it can so happen that sometimes, when he's done something wrong at home or outside, I become the bad cop.
Speaker 3:And then she takes over being the good cop and she nurtures him and saying hey see, my dad saying this is xyz and my dad saying this is xyz. So you got to be careful of how you speak, how you talk, what you do. So we've had that understanding where I think the doofus switch roles, often with the elder one, but with the younger one he is observing his brother.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was one of my questions. So when he?
Speaker 3:observes the elder one. He feels that whatever my brother does, I have the rights to do it by default. It's like a default characteristic for him now. So I find it difficult to coach him because if I coach him, his first question is you never coached brother on this? Why are you coaching me on this? Why are you telling me this?
Speaker 3:So then it becomes a difficult proposition to have as a conversation with him. So you know, the younger ones always are the difficult lot to convince and I think the doofus have had that. You know, I wouldn't call it a problem, but the dofus are sort of understanding this and we are trying to see what best and how we can get the younger one to not replicate what the elder one does?
Speaker 3:I am sure he is going to do the same things when he gets to that age, when he is is appropriate though, but by then it should not be a case where he starts taking things for granted, saying, just because my elder brother can do it, so can.
Speaker 1:I yeah, I'm sure, any inputs in this, anything else?
Speaker 2:As a teenager. They don't want to trust their parents, so I just Just naturally, and they start manipulating things. This is the problem which every parent has to go through, so they should have that trust. Whatever is there, you should tell it the way it is.
Speaker 1:I'll tell you there is a very interesting study which is nothing new, it's been done a lot of times a lot of psychology about parenting is also around that. So in tribals, especially African tribals study which is nothing new, it's been done a lot of times a lot of psychology about parenting is also around that.
Speaker 1:So in tribals, especially African tribals, which are studied a lot, after an age of 14-15, the kids are made to live away. So when you say live away, you live in your own little hut or whatever. It is little away from your family. The idea is that you are already in an independent phase. You want to become independent, you should become independent, but you're still close to your family and your community nearby, so if you need help, you want that now in urban settings.
Speaker 1:That's not how it is we all live in the same house and it is their hormones, it is their growth phase to assert independence, and part of independence is not trusting everybody around you. You have to think and manipulation, come on well, this is not going to work without you.
Speaker 3:I think that they trust their friends more.
Speaker 2:More yes, and they want to follow them.
Speaker 1:That's very difficult, I understand, because that's something of course. As a teenage mom, I also face it, and some of the other parents. We were talking the whole thing of them saying I hate you and you never, understand me and things like that. That's like something you have to take it and you know, move on, but also as somebody who takes care of everybody's food in the house. How?
Speaker 3:is it?
Speaker 1:because at least my son. I noticed a teenage opened up his taste buds, right, he wants to eat everything and try everything apart from appetite, which has become really, really large. So how do you handle managing cooking for a teenage boy who's wanting to taste different things and is the younger one still finicky about food?
Speaker 2:or yeah, he's finicky, so, whatever he likes, something is ready for him and I have to yeah, and I have to Ensure that my elder one I can fulfill what he wants to.
Speaker 3:Sometimes what happens is that he wants to have a certain food which has a longer preparation time. Okay, Example lasagna. Correct.
Speaker 1:I have to say this Siddhi needs an award.
Speaker 3:For the patience she has in cooking.
Speaker 1:A you cook amazing food. B patiently, she does all this. My son says I don't have time, but you actually do it More than the summer time.
Speaker 3:I think the last week the two of us were having this discussion where the other one said I want to have lasagna, yeah. And that's when Sidhi said hey, these are the things that you got to get me from the grocery store, why don't you pick it up? I said you know what? This is too long a list, especially for making one dish Correct. Chuck this I will convince him that we'll get the lasagna order from outside or we'll go outside and we'll have the lasagna.
Speaker 3:It's a lot more easier to do that. Eventually he agreed, saying yeah, as long as I'm getting what I want to eat, I'm good. I think it also takes a burden away from her from a perspective that I have to stand in the kitchen for three hours to make one dish. So for me.
Speaker 3:I am mentally thinking while I am working. There are so many things that are on my mind. Same goes with her. She is working with so many things that are going on in her mind. She has to focus on everything inside the house. So I am at the point of telling my lover, saying hey, you know what you want lasagna. I'll get it for you, no worry, but we get it from outside. Yeah, that's fine then, no worry, as long as I'm getting what I have to eat.
Speaker 3:So now it's got to a point where we've now started to understand the value of time and effort being put in to do certain things. Especially around with cooking, if there are a few things that do not take too much of her time or does not require a lot of effort yeah, I don't really uh hesitate from asking her to make it herself correct, but if I realize that, you know it's going to take a lot of time, a lot of effort. Yeah, I immediately say hey, you know what?
Speaker 1:that's all right, it's okay yeah, I think that's what my husband does too, and I do understand. Like you know, siddi and me had a little eye conversation in this, you know, but you still, I feel like, but I know how to make it.
Speaker 4:I make it well and I make it healthier than outside.
Speaker 1:But I do understand. This is something I I think. As women, we are also conditioned so much that it is your job to cook to feed your family. And if you know how to cook, why won't you cook? You know cook to feed your family. And aata hai khana banane, toh kyun nahi banauge. Like you know, you and my parents are also like that. I was brought up saying ki aata hai tumhe khana banane. Why would you order?
Speaker 4:but we live very different lives than our parents. It's, you know, not like my parents, are also working, but my mom was also working, but they didn't bring work home like we do.
Speaker 1:Unka kaam, she was a teacher. She finished, she came back. Of course she had paper correction and stuff, but let's be honest, it wasn't as hectic as our lives are now.
Speaker 1:My husband and I are watching TV, pausing Arey wo uska voice raise ki hai kya? So we are perpetually, our mind is perpetually working. Isme I had to teach myself my husband, of course, forced me ki every moment you are spending time in other tasks which don't need that kind of time spent like cooking. Now we have a cook because all day I'm here. So you know, that was a big fight for me. I'm like why do I want to? I don't want to hire a cook. I cook well and you know why would I want to?
Speaker 1:Feels like something my importance is being taken away, or why would I want to? It feels like something my importance is being taken away or you know core of who I am. But for me it was to teach my, you know, took time to teach myself that the moment amount of time I'm spending in my kitchen, that that much time is being taken away from business, from using my brain in in tasks which need my sense and intelligence and my thoughts, than sanding and cutting vegetables and you know cooking. So it is a little, I think, for women to say, okay, fine, you know just order. But I do get that and I think it's a process we have to teach ourselves.
Speaker 3:I think a classic example of this I I wouldn't say I learned it the hard way, but I'd say I learned it in my corporate life, yeah was back in the early days when I had just been promoted to take on the role of a manager, managing a team. I thought managing data, managing numbers would have been the easiest thing for me Download the data, make sense out of the data, use the data to talk to your team. And it came to a point where I think about three months, four months down the line after I started doing this activity, I only realized that I was spending a lot of time sitting in front of the laptop, staring at the screen and spending very little time with the team or spending very little time on activities that needed my attention.
Speaker 3:Correct, and that's when you know I realized I needed help with an MIS and. I went out to my manager and said, hey, I need an MIS to sort of help me with the data points and data analysis. And he said yeah, I thought you would have come to me when you got promoted, but now that you've known your lesson, I'm glad you asked.
Speaker 1:So I think it's.
Speaker 3:It's it's how you make your life in terms of balancing the act right, if you are able to balance it well with your core felt responsibilities versus core responsibilities that you expected to do then, I don't think you need to intervene or you don't need to make any changes, but the moment your responsibilities are taking a beating, then I think it's where you bring in a help, and the help obviously is going to take away a certain part of your existing responsibilities yeah and it's going to hold it up for you, which is going to free up your mind, your thoughts, and also going to give you more time to do things better yeah, I think it comes down to the fact that what is your, like you said, the core internal responsibility that you feel versus societally uh you know conditioned responsibilities.
Speaker 1:To that the next question I thought about is how has it been the societal expectations for bringing up two sons, like they say? That boys should be like this sons should be like this Is that something you face from family or neighbors or relatives or anybody around you?
Speaker 2:That boys should be like this. Sons should be taught this and. Nowadays, sons should be taught everything. Nowadays, it is like that sons should be taught everything.
Speaker 1:Of course, yes. For example, I remember this One of the weddings in my family I think my son would have been 3 and a half 4 years old, so he is still very young, and that wedding he had high fever. So he is like the wedding is getting over, he is getting tired, so he is crying. Obviously kids are fever crying so I'm calming him down. And this was not once. Multiple times I've heard people say this over years ki ladke rotay nahi hai. Ladke rotay nahi hai. And this is something I keep telling myself ladke ro sakte hai. Rona is very normal. Sabko rona ata hai and tum ro sakte ho aase bhi baha sakto hai and everything. So this is, and you know, like people in Telugu also, they tell me that's how boys are?
Speaker 3:You should not.
Speaker 1:I mean wrong is wrong, whether it's boy or girl. So I think, especially in our Indian society, there's a lot of idea around girls should be like this boys should be like this.
Speaker 3:So I was wondering if you guys felt that pressure or expectation about boys Not the pressure, but I think there have been instances in the recent past where I think Siddhi brings in the point about boys learning life skills, absolutely Some of the most basic life skills is, you know, pressing your own clothes, washing your utensils, cooking food for yourself cleaning the dining table after you have your meal some of the most basic things. Boys being boys, they tend to avoid or they tend to brush their hands off it.
Speaker 3:And I have observed that of her, that she is insisting, and I think she is right because back in the day, when I was about 14 years old or 15 years old, I remember having spent at least, if not more than, an hour with my mother in the kitchen, because my mom was all alone.
Speaker 4:I had three other sisters.
Speaker 3:And the age gap between me and my younger sister is about 10 years, so they were all married. Me and my mom used to be at home all day. Dad used to be at home all day. Dad used to be back at work. So I learnt a lot of things from my mom. Now it is a time where kids don't want to indulge in any life skills. For them, everything is convenience with quick commerce, with e-commerce, with food delivery.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my son, anything he's like, it's okay, swiggy it. Na Like everything, swiggy it. And I'm like, no, that's not the way it works Order it.
Speaker 3:I have now got to a point where I think I resonate with her thoughts that, hey, you've got to learn some of the life skills, and if you don't, learn your life skills.
Speaker 1:You're going to be facing difficulties in the future. No, I think absolutely what you said, siddi. First, boys and girls same narko ko sab seekna. It's absolutely right. Same thing with my son. He's also somebody who's interested in food. As a kid he also had dreams of becoming Master Chef Australia, judge, directly judge.
Speaker 3:He didn't want to, and I was was like you have to become a chef.
Speaker 1:He's like why should I become a chef? I'll taste and tell it's nice or not. So now, of course, he's grown up, he knows that's not how it works but he was interested in food and it became a thing that now, when he comes home, also there's some every time a couple of dishes he learns and he cooks and stands with me in the kitchen. I give him the task I don't want to do like peel garlic, cut onions and everything, but things like you know if you're home, because now he's not home.
Speaker 1:So when he's home he tries to get away saying I'm on a holiday, why are you giving me work? I come home only for four months in a year. I'm like, exactly, I have only four months in a year to get you to learn all these other extra things. So you would think, that, if you're staying in a hostel. Then he has come to do his work.
Speaker 4:But the fact is, he comes there after coming home. He doesn't want to do all that at home, even in the hostel.
Speaker 3:Maybe they are not learning anything right. Yeah, Because they have laundry which does the cleaning Correct no, simple things, like in hostel.
Speaker 1:He knows how to take care of his clothes. He will fold it and keep it in his cupboard. He'll do all of that At home. He turns into another little monster. He's like walking around throwing things and I'm like what just happened? He's like, yeah, yeah, just two days after this, I'll start doing things.
Speaker 3:So, but yeah, pushing.
Speaker 1:We are like when you're home feeding the dog, you know, making sure she has food, she has water. You have to make sure all the beds in the house when you wake up, everybody's my bed also. You have to make. Take care of your own clothes. Now I start making in fold our clothes also, laundry. Come sit down and fold everybody's clothes and do that. So you have to. I keep asking him tomorrow you all have dreams of going living somewhere to study. You know I will go to Australia, like my father went and all these things you say. And who is coming there to sit and do all this? You need to take care of your own stuff and it becomes very important to learn that. What about sibling rivalry? How do you? Is there a sibling?
Speaker 4:How do you handle it.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I think it's best to leave it. Let them figure it out.
Speaker 3:Does it get physical. No I mean physical to an extent they just push each other. It hasn't got to a fist fight yet. So that way I tend to leave it at it, Unless it goes really out of control. But, that's how they will learn, unless if they don't learn to live together Inside a four wall house. Imagine what will happen when they walk out.
Speaker 4:So I am not going to be available, neither is she going to be available when they are out in the world.
Speaker 1:We can't keep helping them and sort of protecting them from everything they got to do, what they got to do for themselves.
Speaker 3:Sometimes they got to stand up for themselves. Sometimes they got to sort of just go ahead with what they have felt, speak their mind out. But, yeah, I wouldn't say it's easy. It is difficult when you have siblings or when you have two kids three kids at home. I fought with my sister also a lot, but the best part is when someone teases them outside.
Speaker 2:Then they will show their brotherhood.
Speaker 4:Actually that's the best part then, they will protect each other.
Speaker 1:Exactly. That's the most important part and I think, fighting with each other also, there is a bond which builds. I think you know my sister and I are four and a half years apart, so growing up we were never like sisters.
Speaker 4:My sister keeps saying like I am a second mom because the house also, we were brought up like that, you know because my mom started working when we were very young.
Speaker 1:I had to take up a lot of responsibility very young. By the time I was 12, I was cooking meals. I was 10, I was ironing Everybody floats every morning, like ironing was one. My neighbors used to call me Dhoban. Because I used to call me Dhoban because I used to dry clothes, or iron them in the evening. So I took over like a very like, almost like my sister didn't have to do a lot of housework till.
Speaker 3:I left.
Speaker 1:When I left, because I was 17. I left home. She was still 13 and she had to take up everything double, double. My mom got busier and she took up. But all the fights we had in living we had, oh, I am a major temper, so we have had. I have like literally sat trying to strangle my sister and sit on her and hit her and then I hear my mother come here like no no, no, no, don't cry.
Speaker 1:Don't cry like I'm sorry, but over the years now like when we were in our mid-20s the bond became like you know, then it became really close. Then the age didn't matter so much. Even now my sister keeps saying that like you are an old lady, like always telling me you're not like my age, you act like that. Okay, I was brought up like that, so mentally I'm much more sitting and aise nahi karna, aise nahi karna kind of a thing but there is a bond, which I think did come with fighting, playing, protecting each other, like you said.
Speaker 1:You know we can sit and complain about our parents, right, we all complain about our parents.
Speaker 4:But somebody else says something about our parents.
Speaker 1:We just don't like it.
Speaker 2:It's the same thing. We have the right to do that. We have the right to do it.
Speaker 1:It's the same thing with siblings.
Speaker 2:We have the right to hit each other and call each other you are a monkey, you are a monkey, you are a donkey, but no one else can do anything yeah, so my brother?
Speaker 1:yeah, exactly. But Siddhi does the older one also act like a mentor, like he takes care of his younger brother, not only outside but in the house, teaching him things, helping yeah, in my absence he'll do that, but when I'm around he's like this is my mom's job.
Speaker 2:Let her figure out whether her homework is done or not. We'll see at home. But if it's not done he does take care of everything when I'm not around and I'll tell him ensure that he finishes his homework. You explain him this, then he'll do that's lovely that's very nice, actually, and that's important.
Speaker 1:Let them be kids, let them enjoy, but then taking care of them is very nice. That's important. You're doing a good job as parents right there. What about technology, which you picked up earlier? How has it been the influence of technology A on the kids B? How do you separate? Because the older one maybe needs to spend more time because you know there's school work, there's things you have to look up, younger one doesn't. So the question of isko mil raha hai, toh mujhe kyun nahi mil raha hai A what is the influence of technology on there and how do you see the positives and the negatives?
Speaker 3:See, I think post COVID it has come to a point where technology definitely adds a lot of value to them. At the same time, it also plays a big role in distraction Correct. And I think the two of us have had that challenge, especially after the COVID, where they needed phones to be used. They needed laptops to be used online classes there were no offline classes back then. Even now, a lot of classes that they do art classes or painting classes these are all online. Now Nobody is doing offline classes. So it came to a point where I had to sort of tell myself that do I need to give the kids technology at this age, or should I not?
Speaker 3:And I think Suzy was not in favor of having technology in their hands. She, even today, feels that maybe it's too early for them to sort of start using technology and be on either on phones or laptops every day. So what we've done is, I mean, while she's even now reluctant or she's not in 100% agreement, we've given the two of them their individual phones, but with restrictions on those phones, correct yeah. So there's this feature on Google where we can….
Speaker 1:The family, Google family.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the family is something that I've set up and I've given both of them their timings in the entire day Same yeah. That the elder one can use an hour and the younger one can use 30 minutes in the entire day.
Speaker 3:What they want to do is up to them. But then yeah, if you ask me the pros and the cons, I think yeah, definitely. Both of them have a sort of equal balance in terms of the advantages and disadvantages. It's just how well you equip your child to use technology At the same time if you are monitoring their usage. If you are not monitoring their usage, it then becomes difficult. So it is with the restriction that I have given them with their phones, because every time they have to install an app it comes through to me as an approval.
Speaker 3:Without that they cannot install an app. So at least I know what is it that my children are using, what is it that they are going to be looking at after I have given them the approval. On the other hand, she still is of the opinion that it's too early an age, and I think, yeah, I agree it's too early an age, but think of it this way right, if they are out going for a class going for a friend's party.
Speaker 1:How do you communicate?
Speaker 3:And especially with the number of issues that everybody faces in the world today the number of child abuses, the amount of issues that a child goes through I think it's just more convenient to give the child a phone in their hand where they can use it as an emergency, like even when we were speaking. The younger one just called me and I know he's got something that I have to speak to him about.
Speaker 4:And when I rejected the call. He's not called back, because now he realizes that I'm caught up with something.
Speaker 3:So he'll probably just call me a little later and inquire. I think, that way it's good. It definitely aids in communication but yeah, it also has its ill effects and I'm okay to sort of.
Speaker 4:I wouldn't say I'm okay to sort of continue with those in effect, but I think I know where to put the line and I say hey, this is where you draw the line and I draw the line.
Speaker 3:In fact, I drew the line already, but I think this is where you end. Beyond this, you will not get your access.
Speaker 1:Why are you not happy about it, siddhi? What upsets you about it?
Speaker 2:This break time is always mobile. Like my elder one will study for half an hour, then 10 minutes. He'll play some game, correct. So I don't like this. That concentration, true effects actually.
Speaker 1:I agree, same thing. Covid time, all of our kids were in the same class, so homework upload. Karna hai, you had to give phone and I don't know where my husband was, but I was like the online training had picked up so I was very busy. I couldn't help him so we had to give him another phone to do it. That time he was too young, he was not interested. But in the last year, now, again in a hostel, he can't have access to phone, but they can take phones to school, give it to their house parent. So when 4 months later they come home because now they fly, they take a flight and they come, so we need to have access to them. Flight cancelled late. A kid doesn't, can't buy tickets, can't do anything I have to do it. And how do I send my email? You?
Speaker 2:lose that focus in school also. They're like today I was not in a mood to write. Okay, you can send me these notes on my whatsapp.
Speaker 1:Yes, so that's what happened when he came home last time. Holiday homework, they get there too. He had to bring some notes or something. School does email us everything, but the school had not emailed for a while or whatever, so I kept asking where is the homework I forgot? Can this ask? Someone to find out what's happening Now A it's not like the school here where I knew mothers. I knew other people here, I don't know anybody. So there is a group. I have to say, hey, is any?
Speaker 3:because the kids take different subjects also there, like especially the languages right so I'm like, who is your Hindi?
Speaker 1:who has taken a second language? Can you please send me more book? I'm like, why do you take it for so granted that, just because of technology, I can I like find it. I'm like, so I am a big book reader, right? I love reading and, fortunately, my son also has a love for reading.
Speaker 1:He does read a lot, but the reading is for as a enjoyment. So he likes to read fiction, non-fiction, but it's to enjoyment. The thing about, like when we were kids, encyclopedia dhund rahe hain kya tha kaunsa bada mountain tha kya tha. I think it's lovely that internet has so much information, but I have saved books from my childhood, my cousin's books, everything came to me because I am the little bookworm in the house, so I have saved. These are books which you don't get anymore, so it's there in the cupboard. I'll say why don't you pick up? You know the plants are in this book. It's okay, google it now. So what you're saying? You know plants are in this, so it's okay, google it now. So what you're saying? You know a yes.
Speaker 1:Every break is like can I play video games? If it's not phone? We have an xbox at home, so can I play video game? Can I watch this show?
Speaker 1:So screen time has become the bane of our existence now. Uh, ya, to phone hai, ya, laptop hai, ya, screen hai, to move away from it and communicate and find ways to get bored, because getting bored means you get ideas, you come up with things, and that I think I do understand. You know why? Because you don't, the kids don't have a chance to do that. But I agree with you too, because my son also has a phone. It's it's like. It's like a devil you can't escape in this age. Now, in this era, they need, and I want him to. He forgot his phone and went to the hospital. So now when we are visiting him, we are going to go give it to the house parent, because when he comes home in April I want him to have a phone, because I don't want him to fly without having his phone. Last few times I have to find out which is the other kid flying with him. Contact the parent, get the kid's number, because school won't give me the kid's number.
Speaker 3:Right, obviously.
Speaker 1:So I have to find out. Keep messaging the kid, vida. Can you ask him to call me? Can you tell me? So it's, I think, something we can't escape, just as the parents. We have to figure what's the safest way out of this and, you know, keep moving forward, right, uh, what? About co-curricular activities. How do you decide what kind of co-curricular activities they join, what they continue, what with their education timing? How does it work? I?
Speaker 3:think uh with boys being boys, sports is always yeah, their first priority for football Does he
Speaker 1:still go for football.
Speaker 3:Yes, he does. So he did get a break in between, but I think just recently he has started having a fond interest in playing football. So I think it's been about 3 months since he is going and looking at him the younger ones now keen on joining football as a sport, and the two of them have only been interested in sports as co-curricular activities. Efforts were made by both Siddhi and me to sort of push them to learn music learn arts they
Speaker 3:haven't been too open about taking up any of those activities. I think it's also because their friends probably don't do it so I think, yeah, more regular activities is more about sports for them. And going back to the brotherly feeling, I think co-curricular activities is more of a sports for them. And going back to the brotherly feeling, I think the younger one always likes to play outdoors so he keeps asking the elder one can we go down and play? But the elder one knows that he's got homework, he's got his reviews.
Speaker 3:he's got his exams up, but he makes it a point that he spends about 10-15 minutes with him, so that even the younger one doesn't feel left out.
Speaker 1:Correct.
Speaker 3:That's nice, but yeah, I think sports is the focal point of co-curricular activities for most boys Correct. I cannot generalize it from the rest of them Mostly.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's true. I think with my son, music and arts is still not so much Music because of the school he goes to, because a lot of kids are doing it, so it's that's why I thought it was easier, because he sees a lot of classmates seniors, juniors going for those music lessons too. So if here he was interested only in football and we stopped football because it was just too much of a drive for us and we sent him to tennis near home because it became a lot of convenience, I can't spend one and a half hours my evening driving up and down for his football class more than one and a half hours, two hours sometimes, because the class is one hour, half an hour to reach 45 minutes to go back.
Speaker 1:But here he's open to it because it's a bunch, so it's like a herd, so you don't feel like the odd one out. Why should I do when everybody is not doing it? So that's. But like what Veeral said at one point, I thought about that. Cindy, how do you manage their different routines, because the older one can probably stay up little later if he has home work. Younger one has to sleep. Do they fight about it or they manage on their own?
Speaker 2:routines are not bedtime routines and everything is yeah, yeah he wants to maintain, uh, his disciplined life. The elder one younger one is like okay, chill all these younger ones are little finding how to you know get out of. Uh, it's like, okay, homework is not done, so okay, I'll tell ma'am I was tired. This, this is what I can do, it's okay well that that's a great skill in life also.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and elder one is like nobody should point out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, my work is incomplete, wow okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he reminds me of myself. But yeah, in 9th and 10th standard I had the teenage hormones raging and my whole thing was I will not do it, I don't care. Like I remember one of my teacher Asked me in 9th standard homework was given. Most of the class didn't do homework. And then he asked me Deepika beta bole homework karna?
Speaker 3:chahi nahi karna chahi hai.
Speaker 1:He thought I was. I was a star student, always a good girl. I said hum, bahut bade people, we don't need homework. He was shocked and the teachers did have a hard time because suddenly I was. I did a whole somersault. For me it was like my marks will not suffer, I still get. I had to touch 85% was my thing, like I have to minimum. But everything else I became like nahi karna hai, nahi sunna hai, nahi karungi. It was just like absolute rebel and just hoping my son is nothing like me, because that would be really hard but what about teenage tantrums?
Speaker 1:do you see the older one coming with rebellion and anger and all that?
Speaker 3:Untamed number. Untamed number. But I think we can't blame them as kids. It's because of their change in the body, pain, their hormones. But I think what we can definitely do is not let it be we as parents definitely have to watch them, have to tell them if something is acceptable or something is not acceptable and if it isn't acceptable. Then we sort of rationalize it, give them the reasoning behind it, without just brushing it away saying just don't do it Because they don't understand. Just don't do it, they want to really get why, or maybe why not?
Speaker 3:unless you don't give them the why's and the why not's, they feel that it's ok for them to do anything and everything. But if you give them a reason, I think they will understand it better
Speaker 1:absolutely. I think I have repeated this in every podcast, but I think it's something I really liked. I am not tooting my own every podcast, but I think it's something I really liked. I'm not tooting my own horn and saying I'm a great parent, but it's just because, as an adult also, I thought it was a very important thing to remember With my son.
Speaker 1:I would always tell him it's okay to feel emotions, it's okay to get angry, to get upset. Everything is natural and normal. But how you react to those emotions is important. You get angry, you say I don't want to talk right now and you walk into a room. It's fine, but you get angry, you throw something and scream and that's not okay. Like you can just say I will, it will take me some time. Maybe the first time you say I don't want to talk to you right now I'll be like what do you mean by it? But I get it. Like you know you, you are too angry to have a conversation because we know as an adult sometimes you're very angry like I don't want to talk right now.
Speaker 1:I want to gather my own thoughts and then I want to talk, so I'm like it's okay to feel emotions. How you react to those emotions becomes really, really important, and I think that's something is what we always try with our children trying to help them figure out how to deal with their emotions, because it becomes so important as they grow up. Siddhi, what are your biggest hopes and dreams for your sons?
Speaker 2:That he should achieve what he wants. Yeah, he should follow the right path in life. He should not get influenced by others, like my friend is doing this. So let's do this. He should be clear in his thoughts, correct, what about you?
Speaker 3:I think at this age especially for a teenager. They have so many thoughts running on their mind. They have so many things that they want to do or they aspire to be. They have so many things that they want to do or they aspire to be, but it should get to a point where they are able to focus on going A or B and then be able to move forward with it, rather than having to have too many options and then eventually not be able to master even one.
Speaker 3:So I think for me what would be ideal is. I think he set a couple goals for himself he shared that with the dofus and we are open with it. So one of the things that he has been talking about is he wants to be a pilot.
Speaker 1:How lovely. So, the dofus are open with it, yeah great.
Speaker 4:That's a good choice.
Speaker 3:I think if you want to become a pilot, then these are the things you've got to study. You've got to definitely take up math. You've got to take up physics.
Speaker 4:You've got to take up chemistry.
Speaker 3:Because these are the things that will help you with your next career move. Sometimes he says I want to become a lawyer.
Speaker 1:I think that's ok too.
Speaker 2:They keep changing their mind we think that he should not live a confused life.
Speaker 1:I want to add in this with our son also, we wanted him to help understand what he wants to do, because in 9th grade they let go of their second language and they pick another subject and there's a whole board of subjects. So I was leaning towards economics. In ninth grade they let go of their second language and they pick another subject and there's a whole more of subjects and we wanted so I was leaning towards economics, I wanted him to choose economics as one of the subjects and but he needs to understand why. It can't be me telling him uh, you know, economics is the one to work so we were helping him understand what uh he should, he wants to become, he wants to do, and so what he'll have to study.
Speaker 1:And this is a because my husband and I are people who have changed our careers over the years. Right, so we come from hardcore research. You know, background with medicine and microbiology and we are like in a whole different field. Now I'm a medical microbiologist, he's a biochemistry. We both are, we are masters in that and you know, I was in a medical college and we look very surprised. But yeah, so that's our education and background. But over the years, as we have changed, so Initially we have always been very upset, even now I won't say upset. The thing is when our parents you know, when we were growing up there wasn't a lot of knowledge around A, there were not so many options around B.
Speaker 4:They didn't have internet or the mode of knowledge for them to know kya hai kya padhana hai, kya karna hai Options.
Speaker 1:They ya to Maths karo Biology, karo ya Commerce le lo ya Arts, le lo Arts le lo. So that were the options. Agar you are somebody good in Maths, maths le lo Engineer, ban jao nahi hai to Biology kar lo family business, hai arts or IAS. There are very minimum things right.
Speaker 4:So when we finished our undergrad.
Speaker 1:Undergrad also I did because I like biology a lot. I was horrible at math, but I did actually love biology.
Speaker 3:But I didn't want to become a doctor.
Speaker 1:I was very, very particular about it.
Speaker 3:I didn't want to become a doctor but there weren't a lot of options back then.
Speaker 4:Microbiology was just coming up, so I heard about it and I said that's it, I'll do a microbiology.
Speaker 1:I did undergrad microbiology.
Speaker 4:When I was doing my undergrad microbiology, a lot of my seniors who were BCom and others.
Speaker 1:they kept telling me Deepika, move into MBA Like the kind of person you are, you'll be better suited to that than in the research and academia, because that time science even now in India it's mostly academia or research Like my father was like year ka break is out of question. You don't take break and all because MBA means I have to take a year's break to prepare. Because on math I didn't have math in high school. An MBA, I needed math, so I needed to go to tuition and coaching and do math.
Speaker 1:That a bohsani hoga immediately. You have to do masters. That is another thing, and we were 2003 pass out. So undergrad, which that was the boom in Hyderabad of MNCs. People who joined then became VPs and AV. You know, not VPs forget EDs and everything right now. So I really wanted to go and work. I said I want to work for a year. Dad is like paise ki luck lagde hai jo, tum padhne nahi jaoge.
Speaker 3:Jaiya sae hai paise.
Speaker 1:the salary was so barely anything 7000 rupees it was still a lot for that time probably, but still 7000. You couldn't even live, you know, peacefully by yourself. So I was forced into masters karna hi hai, same with my husband and I. He went to Australia because other friends were going to Australia. He did his biotechnology there, a two-year course. One year he was here, two years there, I, because my professor said medical microbiology in Manipal is really, really difficult to get. So it became a thing. What do you mean by really difficult? I will get it. I did. I went to a medical college in medical microbiology. It was so tough and we actually used to think, oh my God, this is the toughest thing in my life, only for you to become an adult, later realize that was nothing, adult life is hard, harder, broader life yeah.
Speaker 1:But so we always. You know, if our parents hadn't forced us, we probably would have gone, reached this thing of the interest in business and entrepreneurship might have come earlier. But at the same time this is something I keep telling my son also that you can change your career. It's not that if you get stuck on something, you get stuck on it. Don't think it's suffocating you. You can move the thing with us. We do. We work with fermented products. I am into wellness. My education helps me because microbiology, biotechnology, this is for us child's play. We understand how the whole chemistry works. Uh, the wellness was easy for me going to a medical college doing one year of, you know, because you do one year of, uh, basis of medicine, and then you do microbiology because a three-year master. So that helped me in my whole fitness journey, because I understand muscles and I understand all of that.
Speaker 1:So education never goes waste. Any training never goes waste. But you have the freedom to choose and pivot, I would say to change, if life comes. So we did this practice with him where we told him imagine 10 years from now you're a 24 year old boy, how do you look? Because our son is somebody. If you say, what do you like? I don't know, I don't know, and he gets very irritated and he doesn't want to talk to you. So you can't talk to him directly, like that. You have to like go round, round and come. So we were like okay, how do you look? How's your hair? What? What kind of clothes do you wear? Do you go to an office? Yes, you like. Is it an office with a lot of colleagues around? Yes, there are people. Is it like you're sitting on a computer and you're like no, I don't like it, I don't want to do that. So we kept going, kept going and we realized he liked science. He's like I'm interested in microscopes.
Speaker 1:And you know same stuff is happening, but that you know. Then we started charting out all. Then I went chat, gpt because why not say 10 years from now, what are the careers which might pick up in India, or you know world over what kind of education you need? So we showed, we made tabular columns. Okay, for this job you need this subject.
Speaker 1:So then we zeroed out these other subjects you absolutely need if you want any two of the five jobs you like. So it helped him understand. So now he knows I like the fact that he knows I can shift. I can. You know I have options and option doesn't end in tenth when I pick a subject, right?
Speaker 3:It goes on, because for us it was like, because for us it was like that.
Speaker 1:For me it was like that Tenth mein le liya biology. Toh ho gaya zindagi Ab wohi karna hai. But now you know, if you do biology, physics, there are so many other things also. It's not just doctor or you know doing this. So I think, yeah, it's great that you know he, he has, he already has ideas of what he wants to build on because that's lovely. Yeah, finally, what advice would you like to give to other parents, if any?
Speaker 4:interesting.
Speaker 3:I think, as parents, we also need to understand that it can't be where you are dictating terms or you are talking to them about your experiences alone and asking them to follow your expectations lightly. We also got to understand their perspective, also because of the fact that things have changed, like you rightly said back then we didn't have as much information at our disposal today.
Speaker 3:We have so much information available, so we've got to understand their perspective. That's point one. Point two we've got to be able to give them time, because today I feel that back in the day, maybe my parents were never there to guide me and tell hey, these are the things that you could do.
Speaker 3:You just said that these are the things that we did so maybe we need to be able to give them time, guide them in a way where they are able to pick the right career choices for themselves. And three, we can continue to give them the perspective that it's okay for them to make mistakes. At the same time, also make them realize that after making a mistake, they can't just ignore it, but they learn from those mistakes. I think that's the most critical part. Once they made a mistake, you've got to sit down and understand that. This is where you went wrong and maybe course correct.
Speaker 3:I think these are the three things that I would leave any parent with. Yeah, that's my take.
Speaker 4:What about you?
Speaker 1:What advice would you like to give other moms or other parents?
Speaker 2:Just try to understand them so they'll value you and you you can. You should also value them correct.
Speaker 1:Absolutely yeah, you have to treat them as other individuals you give them respect if you want respect absolutely I think, yeah, that's a great thought, I think, perfect one to end with. Thank you so much for joining me today. We have been going back and forth with our scheduling.
Speaker 4:That's adult life again, we're trying to figure out a time that works.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much, and I'm glad you did speak, siddhi, maybe she was now put on the center stage. Yes, next time only Siddhi on the podcast. I'll make you talk In one hour. I'll make you talk. We'll talk on Mukhwas.
Speaker 2:Oh no, no, mukhwas, satya can talk better. Thank you so much again.
Speaker 1:Alright, thank you. We hope you found some motivation and insights to fuel your own journey. If you love this conversation, don't forget to hit that subscribe button and leave us a review. It really helps us reach more like-minded dreamers just like you. And for more inspiration between episodes, follow us on Instagram at the Inspired Life Podcast. We share behind-the-scenes moments, quotes from our guests, guests and all the good vibes to keep you inspired every day. If you have an unconventional story or unique path you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Reach out to us on Instagram or send us a message. Who knows, maybe you could be our next guest. Until next time, keep chasing what lights you up. Stay inspired.