The Inspired Life
The Inspired Life
Balancing Boundaries and Freedom for Modern Kids Part 2
How do you guide your teenager through the turbulent waters of adolescence without losing your sanity? Join us as we unpack this very question, navigating the challenges of parenting teenagers alongside our insightful guests, Kavita and Siddharth. We promise you'll gain valuable insights on maintaining open communication and setting age-appropriate expectations, especially when it comes to sensitive subjects like experimenting with alcohol and forming relationships. Kavita reflects on steering her daughter towards maturity before diving into serious commitments, while Siddharth adds a dose of humor discussing his role as the protective dad ensuring online safety for his daughter.
In today's digital world, keeping an eye on our children's online activities can feel like navigating a minefield. We share our honest experiences with the delicate act of monitoring internet histories, and the balancing act between giving freedom and ensuring safety. Dive into our discussion on the evolving nature of childhood and the role that schools and education systems play in shaping young minds. Together, we contemplate the balance of formal education and personal development, aiming to foster critical thinking and independent decision-making in a society that demands these skills more than ever.
We also explore the influence of generational wisdom on parenting, unearthing the value children gain from observing their grandparents' interactions. Our conversation touches on the importance of diverse parenting styles and being facilitators for growth, emphasizing how children benefit from learning in a supportive environment. Finally, we highlight the importance of self-care and nurturing personal passions alongside family responsibilities. From family dynamics to personal development, our candid reflections offer practical advice for raising well-rounded children in today's world.
If you like what you hear, subscribe and follow us on Spotify, iTunes and Amazonmusic. A new episode will come out every 1st and 15th of a month. You can also follow us on Instagram on theinspiredlifepodcast. If you want to mail me to discuss some of the things we are talking here or have a story to share on this podcast, email me at theinspiredlifeindia@gmail.com. This is Deepika and I thank you for listening.
Hello there, I'm Deepika, your host on this podcast, and we're picking up from where we left last time with Kavita and Siddharth, talking about parenting and what comes with bringing up a teenage daughter. In these times, sometimes like and I would I have this thing with my son where I have told him that promise me the first drink you ever want to have, whether you're of the legal age or not, I know, before legal age, you'll want to taste it. You'll want to because the curiosity has begun for him now. Till date they were like you oh my God, disgusting. But now they are like you know okay, zero beer. So can I taste zero beer, because there's no alcohol and it tastes like beer. So I want to know how beer tastes. So they are getting, you know, inquisitive about it.
Speaker 1:So I'm like whenever you want to drink, come tell me. Don't go and do random things outside. That's one thing. You'll have your first drink with your parents and it doesn't mean if he comes home this vacation I'm going to give him, but then again I'll take the executive decision as a parent when it's the right time. Second, whenever you are really into somebody. I used to say a girl for a long time. Then I started saying whenever you're into somebody, because you know, whatever, whoever you're into, you have to tell your. You have to tell me, don't hide it from me. It's like a you know, as a parent, I'm chill, I'm cool like, come and tell your mom yeah, but I don't think he's going to come.
Speaker 1:I mean this podcast. Our kids are definitely not listening because I don't want him to know what I'm thinking. He can listen to this in a few years. But yeah, I have made him promise me that, but I don't think he's going to keep that promise. But as a parent, you hope for the best. That's it.
Speaker 2:Definitely, definitely. I mean, I want my child to try something which her heart wants, but you know, you always wish for their safety and happiness at the end of it, whatever it is, and things should happen at the right age. I don't know, I've put a very huge age bar. I'm like you know, at 20, 21, 21 you don't realize what exactly you're looking in the other person, so you should be at least 24, 25, which is true, because you know you will have a job, you'll be done with your education, and that is when you actually realize what you're looking in a partner. Yeah, so there's nothing wrong if you want to look for somebody. But that is the age because you're totally matured. Yeah, you yourself know. You know what are the right attributes. How is it that you know? Yeah, this person brings something to the table yeah, and what?
Speaker 1:will make you happy. Maybe 24, 25, they'll decide if they want to be with that person, but our kids are definitely going to date a lot till they hit that age I don't want to say it aloud.
Speaker 2:If you don't say it, a lot come true. Exactly I. I've been hitting on this. You know, the more you say, you know, the more you say, the more you fear. The more you say, you're actually manifesting it. So I've decided not to say it.
Speaker 1:What's your stand on this? Sudha? Usually girls' fathers have a much stronger.
Speaker 3:No, I think when I know it was a girl I was kind of prepared. There's a future. I have a duty of being a bodyguard outside a pub, being a driver, where I'm sure she's going to be kind of not liking me getting into the club.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she's like what are you doing?
Speaker 3:But yeah, I probably would have to play the role of a driver girl bringing her back from a club or the party.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know One of my friends. He took a video of their daughter when she was four where he coaxed her to say till I'm 28 years old, I will not do any. I'll do only what my dad asks me Till 28?
Speaker 2:28.
Speaker 1:I'll not have a boyfriend. He made her record everything, and now she's 13. Already, she says no. And he's like what do you mean by no? Like, do you have any plans? And she's like. And he's like his whole fear is that his daughter's boyfriend will be taller than him. He's not very tall, so he's like I work out now.
Speaker 2:Because even not very tall.
Speaker 1:So he's like I work out now because even if I'm not taller, I'm like stronger, I'll beat you up. This friend of yours has high hopes at 28. We all know it's a big joke.
Speaker 1:That's a three-year-old, four-year-old video saying I will never, never have a boyfriend. So that's damn cute. Coming to talking about you know, at least you'll go and pick her from a club and take care of her safety. But have you talked to her already about online safety and things? Because they are going? Even if she doesn't have access to a lot of social media or even devices, they do go and they are going to parties where other friends have. And have you ever talked to?
Speaker 2:her a little bit. I think he also has told her. I have told her on a few things, not everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, not everything.
Speaker 3:See, I think, where I can't control what her friends are showing me, because frankly, I don't know what they're showing me.
Speaker 2:Correct, yeah.
Speaker 3:And from her perspective and it's also based on my experience that I wouldn't go and tell her. All that I've told her is not to respond to any unknown calls SMSs or WhatsApp, whatever that comes through. Just don't even bother responding if the person is not in your contact list Just not respond and delete the message. That's it. That's all you can do.
Speaker 2:She's not allowed to keep a profile pic. I think that she told me that daddy told me not to keep a picture so that she follows.
Speaker 3:Those are a few things Correct. Not much of see in terms of framework. Frankly, I don't know where to start and where to end.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think none of us do.
Speaker 3:I'm just playing it with what do I hear? What told you? What do I see? What, what, what could potentially be correct, risky for, yeah, that age? Yeah is what I would say.
Speaker 2:I have spoken to about clicking pictures correct, not to take a picture in your phone which you would not be in a position to show it to us. What if I come across or daddy sees it? So there is no need for clicking such pictures. Yeah, so, because once the phone gets hacked, correct, it is impossible to, you know, control it. So never, ever, click a picture of yourself in a position where, because my father-in-law comes in, my dad comes, anybody you know you just obviously look into her pictures. I said if you're going to be embarrassed when tata sees it, or you know any of us sees it, that's a picture you should never click. It's a very smart way of telling you need to.
Speaker 2:You know, click that picture. So that was saying why. How can people know what I'm like? It can be hacked, phones can be hacked and that is the problem. So that is the reason daddy also told you not to keep a profile pic. Yeah, so then she's like okay, and but anyways, every two, three days because the password is under my this thing I keep checking. I mean, I do look into her history sometimes, yeah, you know. Yeah, I think as a parent, you have to do that. I mean, as of now, she's not smart yet to delete the history. Yeah, so I do check. Once in a week I do look into her history to see what is happening out there. Yeah, and thank god's grace so far haven't found anything notorious.
Speaker 1:Like my son, left his phone back home here. He didn't take it to school and so I was. I make sure that you know I open up his WhatsApp and some message. I open up because four months, three months, if you don't use WhatsApp your account gets deleted, and he's gone for four months, so I make it sure. So I came across this group chat of him and some of his friends, which are a very common circle of ours, and I was curious. And you know, you can talk about privacy of your child, but I think at this age there is no privacy.
Speaker 2:No, at this age, there's no need for that.
Speaker 1:There's nothing in that at all. The group chat was hilarious but the best part was how that language I was not understanding. It was all this sus. I was like what are you guys talking? What is going on? I couldn't understand, but it's damn cute. But it also that helped me to see that them thinking nobody is reading and what kind of conversation do they have and what's being written and it was nice to see in a sense still around and you know, just until it goes. It's lovely that way and I, you know, and as a parent, it's fine and like I don't think there is any privacy for a long time to come for certain matters. Absolutely there'll be definitely things I'll be going in and looking, because that's my job, at least, because it's not.
Speaker 1:When we were growing up, my parents till it was dinner time and they wanted me back home. They didn't. They would be like I'm somewhere. Yes, this was in the 80s, 90s. They could see us, but still they didn't know which friend's house I'm sitting, what's happening. They had no idea. We are not in that world anymore.
Speaker 2:We are not in that world. And with devices the whole world is open access to our children.
Speaker 2:So there is no way you know, I mean, they wouldn't really approve of it. But I really don't care, because I think right now, as you said, the world we are living in we never know where it's going to falter and it's easier to actually get back your child when it is at the start, rather than you know it goes deep down. I mean, again, this is all too much negative thinking, I don't want to think that way. Back your child when it is at the start, yeah, rather than you know it goes deep down. I mean, again, this is all too much negative thinking.
Speaker 1:I don't want to think that way, but I think as a parent, you're prepared, like you said there's, you know what's out there and you prepare yourself and have a little framework depending on what you hear and what you see, and you do your best. Now also, apart from us, our parenting, our bringing A big part which plays in our kids, the kind of person they become and their personality and what their access to knowledge is the school. So I wouldn't want to talk about the school per se, but what do you think about the current education system or the way it's imparted, and what do you think or do you do things to balance it by yourself, by giving her access to more resources? Knowledge in everything, not just the not book knowledge, but anything. What do you think about the education system?
Speaker 2:let's start from that I don't really think it's anything different because I think, as per how it was back then, education alone yeah, if you keep it separate, but with that comes other students, with that comes your teacher and the way they teach and also the kind of school. It is the discipline that comes from school. I think together it is a totally different experience. But just the education. I mean you're just studying what is there in the books, going and writing your exam. I mean that's all, it is correct. But of course the children have changed. Yeah, their attitude and the seriousness around the subject, around the education part, has changed. Yeah, so that is a totally different topic because there again I would think parenting or at least in my case I would say it really has an a major influence. Yeah, because from the beginning I had been an extremely involved parent. So I cannot actually tell you, if I was not, what the scenario would have been. I wouldn't know that. But I was extremely involved, which I think Siddharth was never happy about. For me it was like, if I show the interest today, if I put in that because your kid is just starting out, yeah, so probably, you know I used to put a lot of effort in her projects and you know the small, small things. I just didn't. But I feel today, the kind of presentation she makes for her class, yeah, I would not take the credit, but I would still say somewhere, 1% Definitely, but I would still say somewhere 1%. I would like to credit myself on that because that interest of excelling, that interest of doing your best, yeah, doing little bit out of the box, yeah, probably comes when you induce it in them. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, probably, maybe she was meant to be like that, I don't know. Yeah, but I would like to say that if I would have left her at that time, when she was three, four, in those very innocent projects, yeah, probably you just manage your work and here she's not just managing, she's trying to excel, correct.
Speaker 2:She's trying to pick a topic which is very much out of the box, yeah, something that she can actually gather too much of information. She uses chat, gpt to get that. You know she talks to us or she looks at other stuff, she talks to her teachers. Can I do on this topic? And they're very different stuff, correct? So I feel probably my interest and my involvement in the initial years have imbibed that in her. And again, depends on the group you're picking up. That's where your classmates come in, correct? So if you have in a group of four, if the other three are little lazy kids probably, then I see her interest dipping. She's like how much will I do? It's a group project anyways, correct? You know, whatever I do, it gets divided among all of us. Yeah, so when she does solo projects, it's a totally different view. And again, teachers so when the senior teachers we are talking about, it is perfect. Yeah, it's a good way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but because of constant change of teachers, you know, yeah, I think the kids tend to like the subjects where the teaching is good. Yeah, no matter what subject, the most boring subject is good for them in that particular year. When you have a good teacher, yeah. So education, I think I cannot just sideline it and single out as just the topic itself. It comes with everything, of course, the atmosphere and when you have your friends in your section, yeah, you know, that adds to the education that year.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know I think it's a, it's a combined effect for me?
Speaker 2:yeah, otherwise I don't know the major difference. I mean, I never went to any extra classes while growing up. Probably my parents never knew about it.
Speaker 1:I think, yeah, I don't know I had to be sent for math and physics tuition. I was struggling, but yeah, apart from that.
Speaker 2:So those subjects were handled by my dad himself. Yeah, so I never went for any guitar class or art class. Today I feel I mean, probably my parents never knew about them. Yeah, probably we couldn't afford it, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I actually don't know the reality but that topic was never there.
Speaker 2:You come from school, go down, play, come back, do your homework, eat, sleep yeah, that's, that's the routine, right so, but now we have so many options, yeah, so my daughter is in two classes the entire week. Yeah, monday to Saturday. One hour every day. Something that she likes, something which is necessary, or whatever? Yeah, so at least we are able to give them the opportunity. Yeah, and the availability is there. Yeah, in the vicinity. Yeah, you know, and because of the technology, even if it is not in the vicinity, it's all right, it's available right so yeah, that that could be, you know you.
Speaker 1:You answered like I had three questions, all three. You mixed and answered. That's perfect, but sadat, why did you disagree? Why do you disagree, or did you disagree with involvement like that? I?
Speaker 3:think see, when you're talking about the first five, six years, and you get the first day a little bit of involvement is, I wouldn't have that much of a problem yeah but from then on, I think my viewpoint is you should be just a facilitator for your student in education.
Speaker 3:You should never be overarching, you should have every word. All that you have to do is ask the right questions, and I'm sure over time we will get better at asking the right questions. Again, a lot of my views and thoughts are based on our generation versus this generation, or maybe I would basically take my own example.
Speaker 1:Your upbringing, because my upbringing is.
Speaker 3:my mother was not educated, so she never asked me anything.
Speaker 2:The little bit she was going always.
Speaker 3:She asked me did you do your?
Speaker 1:homework or everything is done.
Speaker 3:And what are your marks?
Speaker 1:that's the basic things that you would ask.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and the rest, we had to friend ourselves. We didn't have the lucky internet back in the day, yeah, yeah so and we didn't have access mobility yeah all that we had was, uh, books from school and friends who were close to our home in our building, yeah, and our libraries the few, very random, right library, yeah some common, yeah some colonies that we had, that we had access to, and that's about it yeah, you had to ask in your class who has who and, depending on your class dynamics yeah, you would get information on what it is.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, but today's kids, I the biggest and that's the biggest difference between education in India versus the foreign countries is their ability to think beyond what's their work.
Speaker 1:And that thought process is very, very lacking.
Speaker 3:Here even today. If we give a project, yes, she thinks about it, but oftentimes she comes with two or three and asks for validation from the parent. I don't want validation. I want you to give me an answer and say what is the reasoning behind it. And I have used this research. I have narrowed down into three, I have picked up the one. Based on this, I don't want to say, okay, I'm going to give you three options and I don't want to choose the one between the three.
Speaker 1:Got it Because my thought process is going to be way different from what she would think Correct.
Speaker 3:And her rationale behind thought process and education in general, I don't think that's the huge argument or discussion that's happening all around the world. Or I'll take it in context to India. It's very industrial and it's not changed in almost a decade.
Speaker 1:It was meant for wars and war times.
Speaker 3:It was all process driven and we are getting better. I think there is a lot of thought getting into it, but I don't think there is a lot of thought getting into it. Yeah, but I don't think there is an answer to everything right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:A lot of efforts are getting made and I think as part of it, as education and and exposure that all of us have from being learned, learned parents or back to early generations Early generations also were learned.
Speaker 1:But it's a different. But it's a different.
Speaker 3:They had the resources and access is so limited back in the day versus today. Today you are connected. Every bit of the kid being born is connected to the world. Back in the day it was not the case, and with that I think the parenting would have to change quite a bit on the sooner you start it becomes as a default for them to make decisions, and.
Speaker 3:I think the biggest challenge in today's day, or most kids, is when you're feeding them so much of content on decisions they get into a crossroads of they cannot make a decision no, I absolutely get what you're saying so let them make a mistake.
Speaker 3:Let them do it. It's at the end. They're not even beyond 10th class. If they get all these things exposure by then, it's a very safe environment till 10th. What is going to happen? Yeah, actually, at the end, worst case is I want to flunk a year. Yeah, the moment you flunk a year.
Speaker 1:Obviously you push yourself harder unless you are like, I don't know what is going to happen if you're not good at your education that's a whole different, yeah then you're supposed to provide it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, then if you, if your assessment of your kid is being smart, then push them to do things. You ask them the rationale behind their thought process. That's when you understand what they are thinking, how they are thinking, where are they loitering around? What?
Speaker 1:are their interests? What is it?
Speaker 3:otherwise we are basically imbibing on what our thought processes are. Correct or most of our parents have done.
Speaker 1:The only three big things is become a doctor, engineer or a child accountant or… Lawyer or something, not even lawyer, so much Lawyer was one of the other ones. Yeah, that's it. So that's it.
Speaker 3:And all other professions, even till today if you go into the wide world and say, what are you doing? If you tell anything out of this, the society sees. What is that Correct? I?
Speaker 1:worked in the financial sector.
Speaker 3:But I never told people. People say I was working in a particular company.
Speaker 1:They would say IT when the moment that person had said IT.
Speaker 3:I said yes.
Speaker 1:Because I can't explain it.
Speaker 3:Their knowledge and their exposure is People are based on my understanding of who the person is, If they are understanding.
Speaker 2:yes, I would have taken pain in explaining that person, but if not, so be it.
Speaker 1:IT is IT. What am I going to explain in that I am going to do?
Speaker 3:international taxation, that I'm going to international taxation and talking to the world and I'm not going to understand any of that because they've never seen it again it's exposure to how you communicate. Society is kind of changed big time. Today, true, absolutely, but I, we started working and to today, there's a huge change. It's 20 years now, almost, and now with all these digital nomads, and that is a whole different ball game. You can be working from anywhere in the world doing magnificent things, correct?
Speaker 1:the collaboration levels have increased. Yes, true and even in work there is a huge change.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so big yeah from the time I we started working. By the time I quit my MNC job, all the juniors who started in they never cared about work Correct. You told me these three steps. I'm going to tell these three steps.
Speaker 1:Right now it's even worse. It's just the current generation. It's become harder, so it's become so hard.
Speaker 3:The superior is still doing the junior job, then you're finding your job. So how else, how much are you going to stretch?
Speaker 1:yeah, I think because my upbringing was similar to that. My mother was working from very early on, so there was no time for my mum to come and sit down and make me do homework. So my thing was I come do my homework again I was the obedient, good daughter, so and then go play and do your homework again I was the obedient, good daughter, so and then go play and do your thing. I remember this in the seven to eight standard summer vacation there was a math surds was one topic. God only knows why we were taught that. But there was a project work as summer holiday to be given was given on it. You had to do the whatever route. It's a route thing, right, so you have to something.
Speaker 1:I was at my uncle's house here in Hyderabad, in Pune, at that time, I think, for vacation, and my cousin and I sat and read the book. This is not eighth grade next year's, so we haven't been taught that yet, but the teacher has given it as a project work. So we sat and read it, whatever we understood my cousin was as old, as old as me, one cousin, another was two years younger whatever we understood that mathematical, whatever concept we made them. My cousins are very creative, I am. I have zero interest and my brain doesn't go there at all like it doesn't interest me, it's like too much work. And we sat. They came with the creativity. We understood the concept, did the whole like beautifully done project where we use, like this, woolen threads to do the square roots and all of that jazz. Okay, a lot of work. Nails were hit. My grandpa hit the nails for us and we looped the woolen threads to do the square roots and all of that.
Speaker 1:I go to school. I submitted very proudly. I realized the whole concept we understood was wrong. The whole project was wasted. I'll do it again. So now I do it. But like what you? I didn't ask. None of the adults knew what SIRT was, even if I asked, I didn't think I went to ask, also because for me it was very normal to not ask. I figured it out myself and I do it. It was wrong. It was wrong, it didn't change.
Speaker 2:My second time when you did you have the interest in the project.
Speaker 1:Doing it again, yeah, but now my cousins are not there, so I did like one short version of it not that that had been my worry.
Speaker 2:Yeah, attitude. Yeah, you know once, uh I don't know how to use that uh term in English, but it is that attitude. Yeah, my fear always was, if I don't correct her, like the way she writes or whatever, and then it it becomes a attitude you never want to do better. Yeah, and that was always my worry. That is the reason I used to push yeah.
Speaker 2:Again, I said there's no right or wrong in this. This is my understanding of it. Is you have to keep pushing your level as much as you can? Yeah, and today, at eighth or ninth grade, whenever I cannot tell her about write your a like this, write your s like this. It, write your S like this. It doesn't happen now.
Speaker 2:These things had to be addressed back then, at the right age. I cannot wake up when she's 15, 16 and tell the way you're writing your alphabets is wrong or there's no neatness. Now I feel certain issues have to be addressed at the right age to as much they can be. It's not that you know, today you just become awesome about it and there's nobody who can do it like you. But you give your best and I feel that is where an attitude develops towards your work, let it be your schoolwork or your other creative stuff, like today, when she writes a greeting card, she takes the time off to use calligraphy. You know, look into the time of to use calligraphy. You know, look into, uh, I think, take a small session online and then just look and use those words.
Speaker 1:My son is like me in that couldn't be bothered. He's like project okay, so like again yeah, same thing. So he had a project where he had to write in the last term when he came home english project, where your two months of vacation, or that time it was one and a half months winter vacation, one and a half months of vacation, or that time it was one and a half months winter vacation, one and a half months of vacation. Write down your feelings at each point. What did you feel? And then you put it together, either as a story, as a poem, as an essay, however. You want to make a chart, whatever, make an art piece, whatever, it's up to you. So he kept writing. That was something I had to remind him. Like you came from a play date, why don't you write it now? Like, just write it. I did not goad him into what the words should be, but write it. He wrote down and in the end I gave him the idea. I'm like do you want to write a poem or do you want to write a story? He said I want to write a story, right, sure. Then I gave him my idea that I just told him, maybe right, as a third person. As a third person you are talking about feelings and you know he's like sure and he wrote the whole thing by himself in the end. I helped him with beautifying it a little bit with the right words and you know sentence formation. No, bring it here. So that's what I did.
Speaker 1:And then I felt like, uh, no, this essay wasn't enough and we had taken, I took a lot of pictures and there were so many pictures taken, so we printed our pictures and my husband is the creative in our uh house, a creative guy, so he helped me with this chart paper. We stuck all the pictures of each thing which we did through like a roadmap of the holiday and the teacher wrote down in the next review and then when we met her also she said, wrote in his letter that teacher had crying in the class listening to his essay when he was reading it out, because that was very interesting for me. I had never sat down because again, with my upbringing was similar, I never sat down and did it was like homework. Second, I was working at very hectic till he was eight, nine, so I was not that whole beginning year, I wasn't a part of it and it became a thing for him also that I don't we don't engage as much and I was very surprised that he could.
Speaker 1:When he read, I read and I was like it was so beautiful because he had these thoughts which I didn't think was and he could articulate these thoughts about how he, the friends he grew up here with, are special. But he's so amazed and happy that he could. Just four months in that school he has again made such strong bonds and he has friends. But there is, he wrote something I'm saying it really botching it up but there is something about the people you grew up with, the feelings of going back home to them, and it was so beautiful and I was shocked. And then I realized, hey, you know, there are things kids can figure out themselves.
Speaker 1:But I do understand what you're saying and I think you know that makes me wonder. Like your daughter is very creative, my son is not at all. I never got involved with him in the creative projects for sure. So I wonder if I am sure it plays a role in what they're exposed to. Exposure does play a role. Now also, both your parents are in the city, isn't it Right? Yeah, right, what has been? I'm sure it's a big role grandparents play, especially if they're in the city. What have been the pros and cons of having family right there with you?
Speaker 2:Cons would be very silly ones. Yeah, like you know, when I say no to something, you know she knows whom to call that. I mean it's a silly one because, at the end of the day, if I'm as serious enough to say no to her, I could say that to my parents or his parents also, yeah, which obviously they wouldn't cross. But yeah, it's only advantage. Yes, because she gets to see three different generations, hers with them, and as she sees how we are with them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, probably she may not talk about it much, or you know, but I'm sure it is absorbing, yeah, you know so, which is a that gives me a very calming and a peaceful effect. Because the way, uh, I mean my dad was with us, uh, 15 days ago when he was unwell. My mom was traveling so he'd stayed here for two days. So the way she would come back from school, she would like how is tata doing, what did you do? And when my dad is like I'm gonna go back, yeah, she's like no, no, you have to stay, you can't do this. Yeah, you know these kind of things. They have to see it to actually get it correct. You cannot induce it in them just by telling they have to absorb it.
Speaker 2:And the way she sees her dad goes and visits his dad almost every day, yeah, and you know the way my father-in-law comes, spends time and he's a complete history buff. Yeah, you talk to him about any place. You know he can just give you the entire information about that. Yeah, and he starts telling her stories. As long as she's interested, she would love to listen, yeah, otherwise she's like tata, can you cut it short Please? I can't, I am not interested. And my father-in-law has tremendous knowledge about these places.
Speaker 2:He reads a lot. So if he's traveling to China he would have read so many articles about it, about everything there, and he would want to come and share with her. So the interesting parts, the story parts part, she would love to listen, correct? And little bit, once it starts getting boring she's like enough, enough. So it's a very good relation, correct? And I cannot imagine the way she stops my father-in-law, my dad they would have been okay if we would have done that as kids. I cannot imagine telling my dad stop, I've heard it, that's enough I mean there is a whole different.
Speaker 1:The grandparenting is a whole different thing. Yeah, it was a 180 degrees it is totally different, like my father-in-law had clear in the earlier podcast also said the same thing father-in-law had told me. Clearly, I am the grandparent and it's not my responsibility. Exactly nothing is my responsibility. I am just here to spoil him rotten and my parents say the same thing.
Speaker 1:It's your problem to deal with that spoiling later. So it was just like you know. I mean, what do you do after that? Yeah, like same the things my son gets away with, the way he behaves with my dad or my mom I couldn't have.
Speaker 2:I would have gotten one tight slap Even today like if my dad shows me something, how is it? I would think 10 times to say, even if I don't like it, like, yeah, it's fine. You know, that would be my way of saying it's bad. She would like it's so dirty, dada, how could you imagine the, the extremes they use? And my dad is like oh really, it's okay, we'll exchange, we'll get you a new one. I'm like what you know? So you actually see your parents have changed too correct. It is not only your kid growing up. You see a different side to your parents. Yeah, you know they loved. My mom calls in the morning. She's like is Piyash, she there? I just want to see her for two minutes. I want to tell her something. Then she'll just call. She's like all the best, do well. You know just that two minutes.
Speaker 1:I think because they don't have the stress of parenting exactly, they're enjoying this childhood. You know the parenting stress we have. I think it's all just maturity involved at that? Yeah, of course Life is like that.
Speaker 3:It's just that they've seen, they've spent so much time with you and then now they don't have the responsibilities. Correct exactly, I think it's just the phases of of life you're kind of very energetic while you're growing up and once you grow up. There's one level when you start you finish?
Speaker 1:and then you say okay, let's chill, it's all going to be the same, yeah it's going to change.
Speaker 3:So now this yeah absolutely.
Speaker 1:I like forget grandparents myself, my son and my niece have a seven years of difference. The things that I would get stressed out with him, with my niece. I'm like, hey, I tell my, say it's okay, it's not a big deal. She's like, yeah, you will say this. I'm like I'm coming out of experience.
Speaker 2:It's not a big deal. Been there, done that, don't worry about it yeah.
Speaker 1:In all of this right, how do you make sure you have time for me, time like your interests, your passions, which go outside the parenting realm like? Do you make sure you take time out for that, your passion projects or just relaxation, whatever it is?
Speaker 2:I'll tell you about me. He has his projects, I know he will tell you I have been this kind of person who's always put her personal interests behind for the people. You know my parents. It's just part of my nature it has.
Speaker 2:It's not that I've sacrificed anything, it is how I am basically, you know, made to think and do so if I get time means I would always ask I'm going out today with my friends PRC. So she said, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know. So it is not like permission, but I'm okay to let go also friends Piyashi. So she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know. So it is not like permission, but I'm okay to let go. Also, if she tells me don't go, yeah, you know, there's nothing more important. Wow, it is. But it is not only her, her. I am like that. Yeah, it is generally like that. I've never do this. I cannot eat this. I used to feel how can people be so rigid?
Speaker 1:about it exactly rigidity.
Speaker 2:I never had that. I've never felt that for anything. Yeah, even today, if I don't like something, my dad tells me 10 times Anna, please, I'm going alone. Come now, come now. I don't know how to say no. Like you know, I cannot do that, though bar somebody would ask me, I would just do it. So my personal interest is always later than the people around me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can never put it frustrate you. Sometimes you don't have any resentment.
Speaker 2:Sometimes only when I'm angry with that person at that moment. Yeah, like last year, my parents were traveling to Croatia, my father-in-law. It was a beautiful deal. My mom asked me I was ready to go. So I told Piyash she'll be going and when the dates came they were matching with her term exam dates. That was the first time. She's like you cannot go, I need you, I get worried, I want you when I have doubts. I said no, but amma and tata are also getting old. They asked me to come along, so I want to go, and it was a five day travel or something. So I said just two exams, I'll be back. Yeah, but that was when she said no and I know I made my parents feel bad. My mom was looking forward. Yeah, because she's like it is a good deal. Why don't you want to come with me? Yeah, and you know they were really looking forward Because V3 actually never traveled.
Speaker 2:My father-in-law was also there with them. Okay, it was like six, seven people, all, uh, senior citizens, yeah, and my mom wanted me to come along and she's like but why? It's just a seventh grade exam, what is wrong? You know it's, it's just two exams, will be back. And I tried telling me she was like I don't want you to go, so for me it was not like I sacrificed, it was very natural that correct. Okay, the only thing here is even the other side were my people only so you know, I just yeah and obviously my mom was like okay, fine, you know.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, but I'm not very rigid about things, okay, but he enjoys, huh yeah yeah, I keep hearing every time I visit I'm like, okay, then sit, just did out of there.
Speaker 3:I think, think that came in as part of when I started working. Actually, my interests are primarily travel and music. And travel kind of increased once I started working because the stress of work kind of said okay and it kind of found that sweet spot between Christmas and New Year's where I was basically working with the US.
Speaker 1:Everybody's on a holiday.
Speaker 3:So you could take a holiday at the same time too. So nobody's going to be bothered. Otherwise, other times of the year when you take a holiday, somebody's bothering you by calling or emails.
Speaker 3:There's always something important, but at that time everybody's on a holiday season. So that kind of became a recurrence of events where I used to take every year that 15 days of December, two weeks of events where I used to take every year, yeah, that 15 days of December, two weeks of December, I used to accumulate all my leaves and just take it off.
Speaker 3:So that's when we used to normally travel as well yeah and the other times in the year I used to take breaks but was shorter in duration as per need. Yeah, and I think, with that interest of travel, slowly kind of became a disease for me, if I have to say, and that kind of kept me hooked for travel and somehow I think this year is probably my 10th year in a row to the Himalayas.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 3:I figured I never. I went so many times that I've never repeated a circuit or there's so much to see and do yeah so that's kind of become a I have to say in a different word a religious pilgrimage for, in a different way, for nature. So, uh, yeah, so I, no matter what there is always during the year, I have to take off one, that's because I am.
Speaker 2:I am here, I am staying back, see, but that is how it works, right in a. That's what it will have to be also see if I also put in my foot and see, even I want to come.
Speaker 1:No, but you will go some other time no, she is grown up, she can stay with grandparents you can go also.
Speaker 2:No, I mean, I don't know. That is one more thing which I think we didn't touch. But I never want to give my parents a responsibility, until, and unless it is an emergency. Yeah, because I just feel they've done their job. Yeah, I mean, without taking help from anyone. I've seen my parents do that, regardless. He has for three of us you know, I have two siblings yeah, so they have done that for all three of us religiously.
Speaker 2:My mom never, ever, stepped there's not even a single day, never, with, not even a single day where she was not at home when I came back from school. Yeah, not a single day where she has told me I'm sick, I'm not cooking. Today, I've never seen that, that has has never been the scene in my house. So today, when I see them aging, I feel I cannot just say I'm going out, take care of my kid. I've never done that, I don't know for some reason, until, unless it's the most emergency. Like, I've been out with friends twice, I think. Both the times he's taken care, I've cooked, I've kept stuff inside. Both the times he's taken care, I've cooked, I've kept stuff inside. Yeah, out of their interest in love if they pick her for two days. You know which is a different thing but me giving the responsibility to them drop her to school, pick her back. I have never done that and I don't intend to do it now. I don't need to. Also, she's, she's grown up.
Speaker 1:She's grown up.
Speaker 2:She eats food from outside now, which she was not doing two years ago. Yeah, so she actually doesn't need me exactly. It's a time to go on holiday, that is how it is.
Speaker 2:But see for him when he travels on these treks, it is the best season to travel. It's never the best time for the kid. See, when you have you're going through your exams or you're going through the starting of the year, you actually need help. We don't. I mean, he doesn't look as that as the criteria of his. You know when he wants to travel, but that's fine, right? You always look at the right time to travel and if he is giving me that space, you know which is the best time where we can leave her and go. That is when probably I can also draw. You know, go along with him. But it is never like that is always the best season to go there, the best time to go there. So I never get to do it. It's a fact, yeah yeah, those things.
Speaker 3:I guess if we start getting into husband wife, this could be another podcast, another episode about that.
Speaker 2:So you're agreeing to it, right? This happens in most.
Speaker 3:I'm not trying to generalize it for whatever reason or things, but at the same time I don't think again. I don't. This is about parenting, so I don't want to get into the see, when I plan a holiday.
Speaker 2:When I plan a holiday, it's october because you have 10 days, it's december because you have 15 days, or it's the summer. Yeah, you know. So my, my brain is set with only three, these three zones thing is sorry, go ahead I think, since it's kind of getting to that other thing is you should be again.
Speaker 3:You should also be considering the fact that have I ever stopped?
Speaker 2:you from going. It is your insecurity about how is the table going? That is a very wrong word to say Stop. You can't stop. Nobody has a right here to let me go or stop.
Speaker 3:You're getting defensive about it.
Speaker 2:No, no, that's a wrong word.
Speaker 1:That's a wrong word, yeah.
Speaker 3:Do you have a better word in English for that? I can use it.
Speaker 1:No, no we know what he meant. He didn't really for our audience also. He doesn't mean he controls his wild horse stuff, so he dictates our activities. I think you know it by now.
Speaker 1:No, but you know, kavita, like in our household, the vacation time of the kids are the times when we travel as a family, right, and in my case my parents, poor things despite. Even if we take a kid along, they are stuck with taking care of the dog. So I think my parents, you know, perpetuating care or something from my household, but with us in a year there is at least. I don't do solo trips as much anymore because I ended up traveling a lot for work also now, but I am traveling for work quite a bit, at least three times a year, so I am gone.
Speaker 1:Now, of course he's in a boarding school, but even when he was home either my husband's home or if my husband's busy, of course, even when my husband was home, my parents were involved in it, correct, because the cooking and they would be more, you know they're like oh my God, did the kid eat or not, did he do or not? Is he not sleeping, and things like that. And I am very, very I think I could go in peace on a holiday because I know it's not just one husband, it's also my parents. I have three people taking care of my child and my parents are overly even more into feed on time, sleep on time. So it's like works out well for me. And there are times Avinu goes on a holiday with his biker buddies and I am around. So I think in a year as a family definitely it's around the holiday times. But as individuals we have found these. We find these pockets for ourselves to do things that we enjoy, which is pretty much traveling for as part of parenting.
Speaker 3:I think the way both of us explained you our scenarios yeah is also dependent on how our upbringings correct, correct see back similar. I was living in hyderabad yeah where my grandparents were upstairs. Yeah, we were downstairs. Yeah, all my uncles were in the same building yeah, so there were times when my father was not there and my mother was not there and I was there with my grand. I was in my house because it was the same building.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so there were times when my father was not there and my mother was not there and I was there with my gran. I was in my house because it was the same building. I used to stay in my house, yeah, for food I used to go to my grandparents house and come down.
Speaker 3:So I think I don't see a scenario. But in contrary to kavita, she was outside, so she was always the parents, and when she came to hyderabad, yeah she was still with the parents, with either of the grandparents of hers. So I think it's upbringing and certain things are invited into your brain of being protective or not going and not leaving, and that thought process of again I think I might be putting in the wrong word for lack of it.
Speaker 3:Again, insecurity, whatever is it, to leave your kids at your parents and their grandparents? I think these are all just thoughts that people go through the moment you take it unless your parents or the kids' grandparents are ill or have some illness perpetual illness. I think they have a lovely time they enjoy it.
Speaker 1:Most of the scenarios is not a problem.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, they will go through a certain bit of anxiety based on the kids behaviors, and if I look into our own daughter, she's not that much of a troublemaker, correct? So I wouldn't be that bothered even from back in the day. Yeah but again wouldn't be that bothered even from back in the day. Yeah, but again, for whatever reasons, I think humans are created in such a way like based on your upbringing, your life history, your exposure to life, your upbringing, yeah.
Speaker 3:It all kind of comes in as a baggage with you, for no matter what you do, that's how you behave and that's how you kind of grow up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can see the things that my parents uh you know the way I was brought up. I see that sometimes sometimes they are good things that I'm doing with myself. Sometimes I have to stop myself. I mean, no, no, I should not repeat this mistake. It's not that my parents made a mistake, but they did what they knew best at that time. But this is something I think we can't get away from. It's like it's a part of our DNA now.
Speaker 3:It's all hard work Very, very Giving that change. You need a lot of effort to yourself, self-realization and all that. That's again. It's going to be a big challenge.
Speaker 1:No like, for example, why are we talking about it? It doesn't have to be traveling, right Like? I go for dance classes Once a week, I go for dance classes. I once a week I go for pole dancing class. So I that one hour is mine. That's like something I enjoy doing. So it could be anything. It could be going to the gym. It could be anything like making sure you are finding these little pockets for yourself, not being a mom or dad at that moment. No, no see that way.
Speaker 2:No, no problem is there are two things here. I am always doing those things, like I go out for lunch with my friends, I enjoy a movie, but again, as I said, it is always on the times when my child is not there. I make it a point that you know I'm not giving away her time, which is fair, right. So my movies, the shows are defined. They have to be 11 am or a 12 pm noon show.
Speaker 2:Because that is when I'm back, before she comes. So if I show noon show, so that is when I'm I'm back before she comes, yeah, so if I don't get that and I wait for another day, yeah, I don't just like. It's okay, she'll come in, of course. She will come in, she will eat, she will be fine, yeah, but I maybe I won't be fine, yeah, doing that I think so yeah so my thing is like for now I'm, you know, planning another holiday.
Speaker 2:We were just uh talking the other day, so it was again when my kid goes to the uh picnic, that is coming up. The excursion, yeah, that's coming up in jan. We were deciding, once the kids are gone for three days or four days, we can just go and come. So it's always wired. When the kid is not around, you go. I think it's fair. Somehow it's fine. I can't like you know. Okay, fine, she will do her thing, I'll do my.
Speaker 3:I cannot think that way I think that's a very, very maternal thing versus a paternal thing as well as a gender difference is obviously it plays into the whole thing in general, but I think that's where if somebody wants to make a change, nothing's going to happen After your kid has gone to 6th or 7th grade and you have either of the parent.
Speaker 1:Nothing is going to happen at the end as much as the mother there is always the, the father, that also would look into things if he's left alone, absolutely so.
Speaker 3:It is not that they're going to shy away from the response no, no, not at all, I don't think. I think that's where there is a lot of disconnect happened with this.
Speaker 2:I remember the first time I left my daughter and went to lake with him. I come back after five days and she comes to me and said daddy didn't feed me for two days. That was the first. And I'm like what? How is it? He made me sleep empty stomach for two nights. You know you never leave me and go again. That was my first trip and I was was like, what did you do? I mean I enter and that is the first thing she tells me he didn't feed me for two days. Apparently that was the time when she was not eating well, those were the days when she hardly used to eat.
Speaker 2:No, no. He gave her a time. I believe Finished this in an hour, otherwise I'm taking it. She obviously didn't finish. He took it off and she's like I was so hungry he did the second day. You never leave me alone and go.
Speaker 1:So the earlier episode, the first episode of this podcast, my friends Amanda and Pearl, and that's what we were talking to them also they have a very distinct view on everything, on disciplining and everything.
Speaker 1:And one thing which Pearl said and I think which plays out and I can see in every household, and one thing which Pearl said and I think which plays out and I can see in every household and it's, I think, very important is like why is she the way she brings up her daughter?
Speaker 1:She thinks it's right and you know she does this research, she reads a lot of parenting stuff and you know, whatever all of that, and while her husband is the stark opposite of what she believes in, if she alone brought her daughter up, or he alone brought that daughter up, the child wouldn't be as great as she is right now with the mixture of these two different ideologies. And they are not see, because I don't think we are households where our, our difference in ideology is leading to huge frictions here. So you know, you kind of find a middle ground. Some, like I was telling earlier, most days in my house I win because I just put my foot down. So there is no friction, in front of the child at least, but I think it. It does make our children more well-rounded. The personalities helped with the different kind of upbringing and exposure of different kind, because they're this is the first place for them to see different type of people, right and they get smarter also.
Speaker 2:They know whom to go where, what you know absolutely, she knows. You know when she wants something, uh, which he would not agree, she would just. Can you just get this for me? I said go ask daddy, he'll not buy. Can you please order? And when she knows I'm not going to agree, you know those things, she. The kids get smarter because they do see the difference. They do see my parents think a little different in certain, and that's a good thing.
Speaker 1:I don't know. On that note, finally, what if you have any advice for other parents, either new parents or parents with younger children, because our kids are in their teenage, anything you want to tell them?
Speaker 2:I want to wait for another five years and see how my kid has grown out, and then maybe I'm in a position to give them some advice. No, I mean whatever you have experienced till now. I think there's nothing right and wrong in parenting. That is one thing I realized right there.
Speaker 2:I think we all have a gut feeling and an internal instinct that plays out. Listen to it, try to be a little more reasonable, and I'm also telling this to myself. So I think everything that we dream of or we look forward may not come out as it has to. Yeah, so, probably to take course in its own time. Yeah, so we just have to be patient and hang on. But yeah, there is nothing like the screen time and the. These things definitely have to be controlled. Yeah, there is nothing like it's it's okay with some kids and not with that. I would definitely say you will have to control the exposure. Yeah, the online exposure. Otherwise, I think good food, happy times, holiday, one vacation per year that is a must, even if it is to a nearby place, it is a must. It makes a huge difference to start over.
Speaker 1:What about you, Siddharth?
Speaker 3:I think for me one thing is here the kids are first in most cases, Once they start. Yes, there are initial phases when maybe I would not put a magic number to it, but until they're starting to talk something more sensible, in general you could be dictating what they want and how they kind of groom them in a certain way. But once you start talking and start expressing their opinions, yeah I would have.
Speaker 3:I would say first take a pause before you say something, hear them out and then respond accordingly, appropriate to their age, rather than just manifesting or just saying what you think in your mind, based on your experiences and your exposure to life and society, because every kid, every human being gets exposed to different things in different ways and it's not always the same.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:For every individual it is different. Yeah, so I think that's one, and I think be more of a facilitator for your kid, for growing, rather than, as I said I think that's part also to hear them out and then try to advise them, rather than just kind of say do this, do this bulldozing your idea or bulldozing their thought process. Yes, they might be telling something wrong. Then make them understand the consequences and maybe that's a better way it's. It's not easy and it's not quick.
Speaker 3:It is a very slow process yeah and that's why we grow one year at a time and not 99 years at one in a short span. So so I think that will be pretty much in terms of a summary. It's just to be patient and hear them out and then slowly start to groom them and groom them well. I think. Rest they will learn things beyond your knowledge and beyond your horizons. In that case, I think we as parents also need to take the interest to learn from them. Yeah, I think most, in most cases, we kind of create our own shell saying okay, I know it, I don't want to know what you, your generation has a different thought process. We didn't. I think that's that comes out, whatever reason for naturally, but yeah, there's always something new to learn from every other generation, every younger generation, from yeah, younger, younger to us so I think you could always look at what you can learn from the younger generation very sane and very strong advice from both of you.
Speaker 1:Very, very helpful, I think, for a lot of people, for me also. I'm listening and I'm like remember these things. Lovely, thank you so much. This was was an amazing, amazing episode. See, you're worried for no reason. It was lovely, thank you so?
Speaker 1:much Pleasure is ours. Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode of the Inspired Life. We hope you found some motivation and insights to fuel your own journey. If you love this conversation, don't forget to hit that subscribe button and leave us a review. It really helps us reach more like-minded dreamers just like you. And for more inspiration between episodes, follow us on Instagram at the Inspired Life Podcast. We share behind-the-scenes moments, quotes from our guests and all the good vibes to keep you inspired every day. If you have an unconventional story or unique path you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Reach out to us on instagram or send us a message. Who knows, maybe you could be our next guest. Until next time, keep chasing what lights you up. Stay inspired.