The Inspired Life
The Inspired Life
Parenting: Two Opposite Methods Part 1
What surprising lessons about yourself have you uncovered through the journey of parenting? Join us in an engaging episode of the Inspired Life Podcast as we sit down with our dear friends Emmanuel and Pearl. Together, we share the highs and lows of raising teenagers, the unexpected self-discoveries, and the heartfelt moments that define parenthood. Emmanuel opens up about his career shift from the gaming industry to logistics, while Pearl reveals how her role as a scrum master has influenced her parenting style. Laced with humor and sincerity, this conversation captures the essence of our long-standing friendship and collective experiences as parents.
We dive into the emotional rollercoaster that is parenting, discussing the challenges of maintaining patience and managing expectations. Personal anecdotes bring to life the intense emotions felt when a child is hurt or struggling, underscoring the constant evolution of parenting. We reflect on the importance of tolerance and accommodation, both within the family and towards ourselves. This chapter serves as a reminder that parenting is a journey without a definitive guidebook, shaped uniquely by each child and parent.
The invaluable role of grandparents in child-rearing takes center stage as we discuss the blessings and occasional frictions their involvement brings. From cherished memories to the balance between fun and responsibility, grandparents contribute significantly to a child's upbringing. We also examine different parenting styles, communication techniques, and discipline strategies, emphasizing the importance of constructive feedback. Wrapping up with a critique of the current education system, we advocate for reforms that better prepare children for life's challenges, rather than adhering to outdated methods. This episode is a heartfelt and insightful exploration of the joys and complexities of parenting, offering wisdom and camaraderie to all listeners.
If you like what you hear, subscribe and follow us on Spotify, iTunes and Amazonmusic. A new episode will come out every 1st and 15th of a month. You can also follow us on Instagram on theinspiredlifepodcast. If you want to mail me to discuss some of the things we are talking here or have a story to share on this podcast, email me at theinspiredlifeindia@gmail.com. This is Deepika and I thank you for listening.
Hello listeners, welcome to today's episode of the Inspired Life Podcast. I'm Deepika, a fitness and behavior coach and your host at this show. As you know, this season is about parenting, a topic that most parents will tell you they can talk about forever, and that's what has happened with pretty much all our guests this season. Today's guests are my friends, emmanuel and Pearl, people I've known for a long time and they are a big part of our family and our circle. Their daughter is 13, just a few, just a month apart from my son, and so we have gone through the rigors of parenting together, and you will hear on this episode us talking about all of this in detail. Enjoy.
Speaker 2:Hurry up, I'm hungry. Where?
Speaker 1:did you come from the?
Speaker 2:water is hot.
Speaker 3:I mean your laptop is not coming. No, I think it's on Ready.
Speaker 2:Video is not coming back to you.
Speaker 1:Ready Video is on too, now you look at me. I am the camera. All this I will put in Instagram All this drama. If you are doing, okay, you can just look at me.
Speaker 2:Mustache up or mustache down.
Speaker 1:Whatever Maloo uncles do.
Speaker 2:Mustache up is good, I think that, but not okay, right, let's start cheers it started already.
Speaker 1:Cheers welcome to the podcast emmanuel and perth thank you for yeah, thank you for getting uh, forced by me for doing this.
Speaker 2:I know this is yeah, we're the wrong guest for this. Yeah, I, I'm sorry I should not look at the camera. I should look at the camera I won't look at the camera, it will be more. Yeah, thank you for having us. We have known each other for the wrong guest.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, and you're the first people in this series which is starting. These episodes will start from 2025. And this whole series is about parenting. Oh, awesome, and this whole series is about parenting. Oh, awesome we have a great experience, I think. Yeah, our kids are just barely a month apart, aren't they Just about a month apart? And so we went through the whole pregnancy and child and post-childbirth kind of together, which I have no memory of because A memory of being part with you.
Speaker 3:Yes, I think for a couple of years we were. We just were not in each other's life. And then kids were. They were 2-3 years old and they have seen each other grow from there on the birthday parties and I think it's expected.
Speaker 1:no Like, where is the time for us, while dealing with the kids, to go out and socialize For me? People came home. I met them Otherwise. Yeah, sorry, I'll see you when the kid is grown up Birthday time. Yeah, but we have known each other for years. Emmanuel and I have known each other for 24 years, now 24 years. Yeah, yes, and I've known you for easily 20 years or little less. I think 6, no yeah, 20 years, 60 years yeah, 20 years 60 years is our marriage and 4 years before that.
Speaker 2:So I think yeah more or less.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you know from the very initial. I think I didn't meet her very in the beginning, but a few months or a year later or something, I met.
Speaker 3:I remember meeting you only after both of us got married.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I met you before. I remember that.
Speaker 3:We have, but maybe not as often. Maybe a couple of times. No, not very often.
Speaker 1:So I knew about you.
Speaker 2:I heard about you for a long time, but I think I met you only once.
Speaker 3:My memory of Outswinger, our favorite bar oh yeah, we spent a lot of money. Yes, that was before, before you got married. Yes, yes, that I.
Speaker 2:I was a go to Bulgaria thing before that, yeah maybe yeah one of those things.
Speaker 1:So that was, uh, I think, when we met each other, absolutely yeah. So it's like donkey, years of knowing each other. Now and let's get to the meat of the topic. So before that yes, you, yeah, you need some alcohol to get going with it.
Speaker 3:So, emmanuel, those who, can't watch the video.
Speaker 1:Emmanuel is busy dunking down some beer to have this conversation. Okay, now, before we begin, why don't you tell everybody what you guys are doing right now in life, professionally?
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, so I was in gambling business, or gaming business, for 19 years. Yeah, and then I decided to move from gaming to logistics supply chain logistics. So I've been working for a company called Turbo which is into end-to-end logistics and giving a logistic platform. It's a US based company. We are working there for now close to two and a half years.
Speaker 1:And you Purv.
Speaker 3:I have changed quite a few jobs. The current role is as a scrum master. People who don't understand scrum master, maybe they'll understand what a project manager is, something similar to that. It's been three years and working with Cognizant and till very lately it was work from home, so it's been wonderful over here.
Speaker 1:Nice. I know I think we've talked about each other's work over on holidays. We have seen you guys log into laptops and we've all gone through those phases. Also, while we're talking about children and parenting, our kids are very close, like I said earlier, and they are teenagers now. This year both of them weren't on 14 years old. So what has been the most surprising thing you have learned about yourself, being a parent, as a parent, about yourself?
Speaker 3:you want to go first? No, please go. See, I think I'm a very patient person generally, but with having a child I realized that I have limitless patience. Yes, and I think that's very important. And I mean, I didn't realize. I think once you are a parent, you realize that how the love you feel for your child is so strong, right?
Speaker 1:Yes, Nothing compares to that it's unparalleled yeah.
Speaker 3:So I think that is something which I I don't get attached so easily, yeah, but when I do it's and with the child I mean only once, correct, yeah, I think I did not realize that I can be someone like that.
Speaker 2:It's not the same. So basically I thought the most apparent part of being a parent was that I thought I was good at kids, but apparently I'm not. And I'm good at other people's kids, not my own, and, like she said, I have no patience. I didn good with other people's skills, not my own, and, like she said, I have no patience.
Speaker 3:I didn't say you don't have patience.
Speaker 2:No, no, you said you have patience, but she said she has patience. I don't have patience with my own child, so that was an interesting finding.
Speaker 1:But why do you think you don't have patience with your child?
Speaker 2:Probably I'm like that generally. I'm like that I don't have patience in your child. Probably I'm like that generally. I'm like that. I don't patience in general in any relationship that I'm in, I think I'm more. I'm more tolerant and um accommodating when it comes to others yeah but with I think your close circle I don't think, I think you might best friends know about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I'll tell you why, because that's similar for me and I think it is because you have certain expectations and you're worried that if you, by being patient, you're not at least for me with my son, I feel like by already. Both our kids are really soft and sweet children, right. They're very, very thankfully, very empathetic. All of that and I worry sometimes that being more softer and nicer I'm not preparing him for the real world out there and you are frustrated because you want them to learn, you want them to move, not only in this context but overall. I think that's why we lose patience, because there are expectations involved yeah, so I think maybe that could be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know the psychology behind it, but yeah, but yeah. I realized that, yeah, I had to improve. I have to like write on me. Sometimes I used to mark a star on my wrist saying that, okay, when I see this it'll be, just calm down, just be more patient. Now that's it. I tell myself to be more.
Speaker 3:I think we both come from the same place, it's just that our approach is different. Yeah, and like I probably am worried, but my worry I handle it in a different way. His worry is more about preparing her for the big, bad world outside. I think he's very concerned and he has always said this that I will never be. In a sense, when you have a child, you're worried, right. So he doesn't want to be in such a place where, or basically, she should be able to take care of things and handle it. Seeing our kids the way they are right now, it's a little worrying because you don't know whether they'll be able to deal with things in the future, which way they are going it's one of those very dicey periods in their growing years where the world outside is testing our parenting and we don't really know which way they're going to go and how they'll deal with it.
Speaker 2:Any memorable moment which made you laugh or cry in these 13-14 years with your kid.
Speaker 3:She has the most fun with him.
Speaker 2:So I think he has lots of memories of no like that. I think when you become a parent you realise, right. I mean, like I was quite a hanker when I was a kid, like I broke both my legs, I have a broken shoulder.
Speaker 1:That is when you were an adult, not even a kid, no, as a kid also, I poked my eyes right, I've got syringe in my eyes and all that and I threw a stone at the honeybee.
Speaker 2:I almost died many times and all these times I never thought of what my parents went through right, so you never realize. But yeah, my daughter broke her hand when she was three years old. Three years old Three.
Speaker 3:Yeah around three.
Speaker 1:That is the first time I felt the pain which you can't explain, you can't even do anything about it. Helpless, yeah, so helpless, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's the word, so helpless and I knew it was so painful for her Because they don't break her hand. It got bent, basically.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the dislocation I had. It's a bend.
Speaker 2:It's this arm, a forearm basically, but it's bent and they had to put it back together. I'm sure it was super painful, yeah, but I just couldn't do anything. And that's when I thought, all that time my mother kept on, you know, crying and telling me all this.
Speaker 3:Then you realize what a parent is, you know and how you feel when a kid goes through that.
Speaker 2:That was the moment that I realized yeah, no, yeah.
Speaker 1:It's like our parents at least my parents and so many other parents I remember around me would curse us, saying that when you become a mother yourself, you are so mature, exactly. And then you know, later on this is one of those moments. What was the biggest challenge you faced in all these years as a parent with her?
Speaker 3:She is a good kid. I think so, and we are blessed that we generally have had not had many troubles with her.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think she's a good kid.
Speaker 3:I mean she's inherently, she's a good kid in parenting.
Speaker 2:See, first, normally people say parenting is a daunting task and all that. I think it's not like. When you come to it, you just have to be yourself, you, if I'm doing something right, if I'm doing something wrong. I did a lot of wrong, I know, but there's no right and wrong. I think, like a smart person said, a wise person said, there's no idle parent or there's no idle child.
Speaker 1:Correct yes.
Speaker 2:It's just that every child, every parent is different and it's an experience. And you also evolve with the kid over a period of time and you see what wrongs with it and you make it right. And as the kid grows you learn this won't work with the child anymore, right? So it's not a I wouldn't say it's a daunting task. I think, as a parent, if you're available, if you're present, uh, I think that's the best you can do for the kid.
Speaker 3:I think that's yeah, that really helps and I've seen the difference because covid was a blessing.
Speaker 2:Um, I was working before that in a company where I had to go in the morning at 8 o'clock, drive and go, and then I would be back only around 9-10 o'clock, so I would hardly have any time with her on the weekdays, and on the weekend I am busy with my stuff. So, yeah, we are together, but it's not that's the same. But after COVID we suddenly saw so much change in both of her, you know the relationship and the whole thing and her behaviour, how she blossomed, basically when we were around and every little thing that and that really matters.
Speaker 2:I think that's not important. There's nothing else.
Speaker 3:I think the one thing that even now, in terms of daunting tasks, I would say that it's more of her health. We are very concerned about her health. She was born with eczema and we took her to all the doctors and tried every medicine possible and we saw her suffer through that and I mean it was very, very bad.
Speaker 3:I remember as a baby and later in school, and it was so we had to think of everything that she would wear and and generally her she's a bad eater, so so that also. And she plays a lot of sports, yes, so, uh, food is not her thing to go like you can never entice her with food or chocolates or anything.
Speaker 1:I remember you guys, banana milk and putting a clock in front of her.
Speaker 2:She had to eat it with her laptop.
Speaker 1:We used to be at your house and I was like, oh no. But, as other people who don't have children will think, what is this? You are torturing. But as a parent, like you rightly said, there are no right or wrong answers. You are, you know. Of course something really crazy is wrong, but most of us are trying our best here to figure out the best way which works for our lifestyle, our household, our child, their temperament, our resources and all of it, and my son too. While he is not bad eater in quantity, he is in. He was. For years he was very picky. There was a phase of three years where he ate only white coloured things.
Speaker 1:So idli dosa, curd rice, ghee rice and, thankfully, paratha and rasam rice, south Indian kids. So he liked that. So to get nutrition in the fear of, you know, oh my God, he is not going to eat well. So sports, or you know, development of his brain. Will he grow tall, will he? You know, oh my god, he's not going to eat well. So sports, or you know, development of his brain, will he grow tall, will he? You know, all of those things are so stressful. Well, now he eats. He just told on the last call he's eating seven rotis for dinner. Fuck it.
Speaker 2:He's gone in lappa.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's following his father. He's like seven rotis. I'm like maa, be prepared. You have to cook a lot when I come home. Okay, let's watch it, but I still worry because he doesn't live with us. He's in a boarding school. I don't know if this 7 roti he's one day late and he's writing that you know, telling us the stories whether he's really eating.
Speaker 1:well, so that's something you always worry about Now, how do you balance your career and personal interests with being a parent? Because we just spoke about how you had hours which are working like that and COVID all of us. Actually, you know it helped us a lot with bonding as family, especially with our children, even my son. It was such a joy.
Speaker 3:those one and a half years to be around.
Speaker 1:And you know only if I could make money and live in a house like that.
Speaker 3:I'll just do that.
Speaker 1:But once you go back to regular life, how are you balancing this with being a parent and being present for her?
Speaker 3:I think her life still continues the way it was during COVID time. We still both work from home, yeah. So when she leaves to school, we are there, when she comes back, we are there. We are pretty much there all through the day.
Speaker 2:She can't escape us I think that that way it has worked well. This company also. It's quite good. Actually they give uh every fourth friday as wellness, wellness day, lovely. So every fourth friday I have a long weekend so I spend time with her but, still I'm available for anything that to drop her to squash or whatever it's been right so I'm there for her and plus I get my time also so yeah uh, yeah, so we know, I think I never balanced it, yeah I was just working and then whatever time I had, I gave to her right so, and not her.
Speaker 2:Basically I gave it to myself and then I tried to include her if she was available. Yeah, but now it's more more conscious. I would say, yeah, like I would take time for her, like if she has squash or something, then I would put everything aside and then probably drop her to squash or pick her up from fusion or whatever. So those things are there and we can do that because we have work from home. That's a luxury. I would say not everybody has.
Speaker 3:She can play squash and do this stuff only because we have work from home.
Speaker 2:Because, there's no one.
Speaker 1:That's the reason we sent us to boarding school. It was one of a very important decision for us, because if you're living in the city, who is available to pick and drop? And are we driving when we live? There are not a lot of things around us available. Everything is at least a good 7-8 kilometers in peak traffic to drive. So do we do that or do we send him to a school where he has everything? Of course, there are a lot of other thoughts which caught him to it. Now let's come to some masala-dar questions. Oh, these are not Quick, quick, nice, big swig of your beer.
Speaker 3:You're going for a refill. This is going to take your ass to edit.
Speaker 1:No, yeah, I don't want conversation to stop because editing becomes a headache. It's okay, but this much, because if I don't have to stop it and start it, it's still okay. I can just chop it.
Speaker 3:I believe editing takes the longest time yeah, and I'm like teaching myself people.
Speaker 1:Actually, I don't have to edit all of this out, we can just put it in the podcast if? People want to hear. But yeah, editing is a pain and I'm pretty much teaching myself everything and I'm not saying I'm doing a great job, but I'm happy with whatever it is, because this is pretty much a passion project, so it's fine. There he's back with his big mug of beer bring it on. I said bring it on this is masala for other people, especially our families, to hear from us.
Speaker 3:It's a conversation we have all had a lot of times.
Speaker 1:What do you think has been the influence or role of extended family in the upbringing of your child, especially because both your parents, including both my grandparents or my son, are in the same city. So how do you think that has been influencing? Pros and cons of both.
Speaker 3:I think that we are, one way, very blessed in terms of having both our parents here, because when growing up, grandparents, you would only meet them once a year and things like that. So I'm glad that she can meet her grandparents as and when she wants to and spend quality time. I think it's better now versus before, when we were both going to work and our kids were with the grandparents and, as it happens, parenting styles differ and all, and then you do not have much of a say there and you don't have much of a right also in terms of someone taking care of, a right also in terms of someone taking care of a child. Luckily, we I mean we did not have many concerns there, but, uh, other than that, I mean I think it's been a blessing and and now even more, because now when we spend time, it's it's quality time versus just uh, she let me meet every weekend, every sunday, dinner is with, uh, her grandparents and stuff for me. I think this person what about you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it was a blessing, like I, think we should be thankful that they're there yeah. Because they're not. I'm not sure how other grandparents are in terms of this, but then they're very eager to take care of her, like they're like, just leave her here and do whatever you want to do. If you want to go for a vacation, you can go. Yeah, know, if you something that you guys want to, it's a thing that you guys want to do, and so they were very, very supportive in that way.
Speaker 3:But yeah, like she said when my daughter was with them. There was a different, like you know her personality was different when we took over and then how we let that finish.
Speaker 2:So yeah, it makes a lot of difference, but then I think for us.
Speaker 3:It was the best.
Speaker 2:Thing that could happen and I would. I think every child should be with their grandparents, agreed. I think, that's the best thing a child can get right with the grandparents and not the time not taking care part of it having fun, taking care should be your responsibility, but they should have fun with the grandparents and that's what they are for right you, and that's what they are for right you. Should spoil them right. So that's their job and what we should do is.
Speaker 3:We should have this responsibility on our side.
Speaker 2:They should not be the disciplinary guy. We should not tell them to don't feed them chocolate. They should be able to do whatever they want to do. So that is the best part, right. And when you question them, why did you feed her? That that's not right, because, first of all, they're doing a taking care of the kid and we should be grateful, because not everybody is as steady as us. I feel, yeah. So I think that's the best thing that ever happened to her, and she has an awesome relationship with both the choreographers.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she's learned.
Speaker 2:She speaks.
Speaker 1:Malayalam. Yeah, like I agree, because my parents live right upstairs my house and my in-laws live another eight, nine kilometers. I think without them, both of us couldn't have explored and experimented with our life and career and the way we are doing. When I had the last job too and you know I was for those four years I was gone all the time, even weekends I was gone, and I don't think without my parents, that would have been absolutely possible. And, yes, we have had our friction with you will have, you will have.
Speaker 1:Like you said, I think the biggest thing I had with the food Right. Don't eat this.
Speaker 3:No, no, no, no my parents are so Grandparents. Yes, they are like the poor kid doesn't like it?
Speaker 2:Yes, don't eat it. Fry the potatoes.
Speaker 1:My son did not eat any vegetables for a very long time, so when I took over the kitchen, I snatched my kitchen back from my parents. Literally, it was a fight saying that no, no, no, I'm going to cook and he has to start eating, because he was already 7, 8 something at that time and it was a friction at that time. But even now, now he comes back, he's 14. So now he behaves with my parents like teasing them, and it's so lovely to watch with even my husband's parents, and that experience it's just lovely, but that's.
Speaker 2:That's the only thing we also had. Like, we had the same issue that when they stopped eating or they fuss about eating, then they just let it go. Yeah and we will be forced really really close. Like you know, you're finished with me. They will not even care.
Speaker 1:So yeah, yeah I think that is something as my father-in-law once told me because they used to let him uh watch, uh a tab all the time and he used to come back home like an addict, literally like an addict. He would be like throwing tantrums, clenching his fist, screaming like I want tv and like, literally, and it would take us a day to, you know, veer him off. So when I told my father-in-law, please don't give him, he's like listen, I'm the grandfather yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna just spoil him so I'm not going to discipline him. It's your decision how you're going to deal with it. So now we made it like every alternate weekend he went to their house to just have fun, and not us loading every weekend on my in-laws, because my parents would tell me always that we would come to your house also and they are like you are sending your child away because you want to go.
Speaker 3:I'm like no, no, I am going out because my son is like gone, like that's the difference.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I think having grandparents, we both are very lucky yeah, we live in the same city, live in the same locality it's a lot of people don't have yeah, yeah, don't have the luxury.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, most of our friends don't have the luxury.
Speaker 1:They live away from their parents. So, yeah, it's lovely that way. Now, coming to that, you know families has been a big support system, but how do you navigate the expectations family and society have about what a good parent should be? How do you deal with that, or have you had to deal with it?
Speaker 2:I don't give a fuck. I think I didn't bother much, actually.
Speaker 1:I didn't bother much that I expect from you.
Speaker 3:I think there is one phase during which I would do a lot of research, read up and watch parenting related blogs and stuff. I did a lot of it and then after sometime I thought, no, I have to take care of things my way. I mean, there's enough of people giving you direction, but they are not in your shoes for sure. So after that it's just intuitive, I think, and good, bad or whatever. It's in our daughter's fate. So, whatever we do, it's yeah, we are not bad parents and we come from a good place. So I think that's what's more important than anything else.
Speaker 1:I think that's what it is, Parenting. We are like figuring it out as it's going. It's just like we are doing our best.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like a dog, right? If you have a dog, you can train your dog the way you want to train your dog.
Speaker 2:You would want the dog to come and sleep on the bed. So you train for that. I would not want, because I don't like the dogs to be on my bed, I would rather sleep on their bed. So it's a yeah, it's a thing, and then you train them. But yeah, but there's a certain set rules. I think. Uh, I mean not set rules, I would say set things like no basic things which which we all have idea to discipline and all that which is like you cannot uh, I'm old school in terms of that.
Speaker 2:She reads a lot of stuff.
Speaker 1:How did the disciplining manage between you two and how has it changed over the years with her growing up, that's?
Speaker 3:a topic that you have touched, no no, no, I always I believe in one thing.
Speaker 2:Be the shit out of them.
Speaker 3:Yeah absolutely.
Speaker 2:You should not scare them around.
Speaker 1:You have never hit her, Of course she is not a person who should be hit.
Speaker 2:You should know if you need to hit her Before you hit her, she will start crying.
Speaker 2:But if it's a kid who needs beating, you should beat the shit out of the kid, not beat the shit out of him. But there should be some correction. Punishment is a term that use used very this thing. It's not a punishment. Yeah, it's a correction, basically, but it depends on how you, how you do it, and but it has to have a reason. And then you have to explain the same thing you know, follow up and tell the kid you can't just take your anger, come up, come back from often, take a button back the show doing something you can't take your manager's anger on the kid.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's that piece, and if the kid is doing something wrong you have, there has to be a correction. You cannot just let it go and not have a correction. So I'm from the old school types which I don't read online shit and I'm not too woke about it. But, yeah, you may have to cancel this podcast, but if it has to be done, it has to be done, but you have to back it up. You have to tell the kid why you did that. Yeah, your action as to, and and if you did something wrong, if you feel something wrong, you should be able to say sorry also it's nothing.
Speaker 2:I mean it's not like, sorry for uh your action or sorry that you had to beat him because of this reason and you don't do it again. You don't want to do that. You're not a person who enjoy beating the shit out of your kid, right, but it has to be backed up. You have to talk to the kid like an underage and they understand. And most of the time what happens I've seen with parents is that, like they would say, they're in a good mood, they'll play, but in the bad mood they'll snap and they do something and uh again in a good mood, they'll be again, but they never go back to the incident and say, hey, you know, come aside, you know.
Speaker 1:yeah, you know, that day we had that conversation and it's very important, very important and it's very important.
Speaker 2:I think, and we have not done that. My dad, you should do that with me, and I think that's very important.
Speaker 1:I don't think my parents ever did. I got two slaps.
Speaker 2:And then you figure it out. My dad also did it much later, when we were growing up.
Speaker 1:But, what do you think Pearl?
Speaker 3:See, I personally think that no two people are alike. So in parenting also, two people will have different styles of parenting. However different they are, it doesn't matter. I think the child always benefits when there are two opinions, two ways of thinking, and the child will always get the best of both. Because before you decide that you are always going to have a tiff between your partner and say that this is what should be done, and you come to a middle ground and you do it so we play the good cop, bad cop, yeah so I think our child benefits from the fact that I mean she, if it is totally me bringing her up, she will be a totally different person and I don't think it will be really healthy for her.
Speaker 3:And so is it with him if it's just him bringing her up. But she benefits with our both our different styles of parenting, and I think it's. Yeah, I think I'm very loud in your seat.
Speaker 2:Probably you didn't put the mic on my t-shirt because of the same reason, because without the mic I'm quite loud, I think. So when I get angry, you can imagine I've been even more so yeah so it's just that. So I don't know. You have to be vocal about it. You have to be, I don't know. I feel that question is important and there's no time for it. It's like a dog, right, when they make a mistake, you should correct them. Then there's no point telling them.
Speaker 1:After that I think I'm somewhere between you two guys. I haven't ever hit my son, but the thing is, it's funny, this is funny, but we both had the same sofa, right the old sofa we had.
Speaker 3:We both bought it together.
Speaker 1:It had a same sofa right, the old sofa we had, we both bought it together.
Speaker 1:It had a long thing right. So I was lying around watching TV. He must have been three and a half four years old. He's jumping around me and I'm telling him stop jumping, you're going to fall and get hurt. He keeps jumping and he almost falls off. So I grab him. He's almost falling. I grabbed him and I did like a little tap on his arm saying that I told you not to jump. He didn't cry, he didn't get hurt, nothing. Over One year later somebody says like some conversation, and I'm like I'm not hitting him till now. He's like you hit me that day.
Speaker 1:And he told this story for three years.
Speaker 2:People thought that I was lying Shit. You can pack a shit bottle in the room. This is called hitting.
Speaker 1:Even two years ago I used to threaten him, saying that you know I haven't hit you till now. This thing, I'm going to hit you now because you're. And last year he said Amma, you haven't hit me till now. I don't think you're ever going to hit me. Now he's taller. I think it's like you said each parent and each child and different types of parenting come to play very important. My husband is very patient. It's like Pearl.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think yeah, they both have the same vibe.
Speaker 1:And we both have very similar so he is very patient and whenever things are escalating and my son is very much like me in his temper, so when it goes up, it goes up really fast. So I so I struggle to calm myself down, telling myself I'm a parent, you are the older one, calm down, it doesn't like I am also. Yeah, my rage is building up and I end up like really saying I won't say mean thing, but being really harsh about some small things sometimes and my husband has to come back. You calm down, calm the situation. And yes, sometimes when I realize that my reaction was not needed it was I go back and I have a chat and say I'm sorry, I shouldn't have reacted like that, but you know, this is what has gone wrong and maybe yeah, that is my neighbor's car reversing.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's okay, he reverses at 4 am inm in the morning also.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we live in a city so, yeah, people should be used to it. We are not in a studio, so it is something that I struggle with. But I think, yes, like letting kids know, and I think kids are very smart. My niece, who's just seven, she loves conversation. You need to sit down and have a chat with her. This is what is wrong, and she's very good with it the moment you sit and explain to her and that's it. That stays with her. She's just. You don't have to repeat it again. She's very, very good that way, except for when it comes to eating. It's like standard eating is everywhere.
Speaker 1:Yeah, another big you know personality or the people that our kids will become. A big role is played by the education system.
Speaker 2:Yeah right, and what do you think about by the?
Speaker 1:education system? Yeah, absolutely. And what do you think about the current education system, which is pretty traditional still in most schools in our country, and how are you supporting her learning and growth or studying at home, apart from the school?
Speaker 2:Education system is shit. Yeah, I agree, and it's not like old school. I think it's not like old school. It's nothing like old school. I think it's not like old school. It's nothing like old school. I think I feel like it's become woke, sorry. You may have to edit this shit, but it has become woke.
Speaker 1:I don't think I agree. My issues are the same, but yes, let's go ahead yeah.
Speaker 2:But I feel like of the back. I feel that they have become this Earlier, when we used to have that. If you're good at singing, you'll sing yes, and I, Emmanuel, will sit next to you or opposite you on this tap probably.
Speaker 2:Yes, nice singing. Yes, but I will not be. Since she's singing, you also sing with her. Yeah, now it's become a group thing, like everybody's got a task, like for Anand sir or any youth sir. Everybody's taking part in everything. The whole class is partying. There's no, no audience. Basically right, and I feel that's wrong, because talent has to be appreciated, of course, I agree, but randomly just clapping for some shit. It's not like we have a boat to fucking dead when we watch, uh, the anusoka.
Speaker 2:Okay, because somewhere, not at all, uh there right the kids are not into it basically dancing or singing, whatever don't force them right if it. If they have that talent, increase the talent right and identify the time. And as a parent, parent and identify the talent, and as a parent also, you have to do that and as a parent also, I think many of us have gone broke. Like you know, if the kid does something small, also, it's an awesome job, it's brilliant.
Speaker 1:No, I struggle with that. I'm not able to say awesome job. Yeah, you call it shit, shit.
Speaker 2:You college students give constructive feedback, say, hey, you may have collected a little better or something, but don't just praise them for nothing or praise them for doing small things. Just get up and put the plate. Oh, today you put the plate. Oh, such a nice kid. No, they are supposed to put the plate.
Speaker 2:Fucking up eating there on the table in the sink at least put, take it from the table and put it in the sink, right for that. You should not be there clapping, you should. You can say things like hey, thanks for helping in the kitchen, that's right. But I think the education system has also has gone this way. You know they're just I don't think it's, uh, doing the right thing right now. It's not preparing the kids for the. There's no grades or there's no yeah you have to.
Speaker 2:It is not the same when you go and work in a corporate or anywhere else I'm not saying you should prepare them right away for that, but it should be a little more um. I'm not finding the term to say, but you get my point more real world. Yeah, call a spade a spade and then focus on the kid. What should improve is that? Okay, you focus on the kid who's not performing, then take him aside and pay more attention to the kid. That teaching the kid who's already smart, right?
Speaker 3:so that has not changed, I think I I think for me, uh, I mean this is totally true personal experience during school days I was, uh, our teachers. We had programs and dances and stuff like that, and they always picked up kids who were very good at dancing, yeah, who are very good at singing. So anybody I mean I may not have a great voice, but I go and say that I want to sing, yeah, I would not stand a chance there and there was no audition or such things. It is just through. Last year you performed. This year you performed and I, I think I'm like my child.
Speaker 3:I was a very quiet child and I could go very unnoticed in within a group of people. I was an introvert and I'm still an introvert, yeah. But then I did and I think this all came just from me, within me, that I should try a few things where I took the courage of actually going to my teacher and saying that I want to participate in this play, I want to do this thing, and they were absolutely shocked. As opposed to that, even I would be interested in something like that. So, and I didn't get a great part. I just had two words to say, but I was very excited about that and the point is that the teachers then never noticed that there was a child.
Speaker 3:Just because he didn't speak didn't mean they didn't have interest. He must have not had any courage to come up to you. So in that way again, like I think, what's happened is that, like our kid, she gets an opportunity, like now, there's an option where if you don't like singing, you can go into dancing. If you don't like dancing, you need to be, you need to get out of your shell, do something like backstage, front stage, but you need, otherwise you will live a life of totally being somebody who, till you don't push, you will not perform, kind of thing. I mean, this is my opinion, no, no.
Speaker 1:I agree. I think you know I was thinking more in the study section of it and I was thinking that because I think that needs a lot of improvement. I don't like the way our syllabus and everything is designed.
Speaker 1:It's really still stuck at the same things, which don't make sense and teaching methods also. See both the schools. My son went to the one he was in in Hyderabad and now the school he is in. We liked both schools but, yes, there were things in the last school. Here we have no clue what is happening. Most times, unless we visit, we don't know what's happening. But yeah, the school he goes to is also designed around getting a lot of time and attention. That, but yeah, the school he goes to is also designed around getting a lot of time and attention.
Speaker 2:That's good. I think that's how it should be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so the whole thing is that the current school is designed around making sure the kids get a lot of attention. Each individual is developed the way they are, what they are good at, yeah, but education also there is a lot of attention on, because there are 30 kids right, there are 50 kids in the whole class, 25-25 in each section. So there is a lot of attention. The ratio is 1 is to 8 of teachers to students. So there is a lot of attention. But that is not something which you can expect in every city school, because not everybody has the resources and infrastructure to design something like that True, but you have put your kid in a school that has 25 kids in the class like same here right.
Speaker 2:So we have put the kid in a school where they have 30 kids. We grew up in a class with 60-65 kids sometimes and then you don't expect the teacher to find out who is good and who is bad. But then in this school, when I am paying so much and they have only 25-30 kids, I damn well expect the teacher to find out what market is good at.
Speaker 3:and then I really I think at this stage that they are in, they shouldn't have tuition. There shouldn't be an option of tuitions. If the teachers are teaching so well, like I've seen our daughter, she has interesting subjects. If her teacher are teaching well and she understands. If there are some teachers who just come, they just say there's a lot of hala gula in the class and the teacher is writing on the board and she's not bothered whether the kids are catching up or not. She's also not interested. So I've seen her interest in mathematics change over the years based on the teacher. So I just think that you can do a good job even if there are 25 kids in the class. So do it. It is a possibility.
Speaker 1:I agree, I struggle with maths and physics both and I call myself that I'm not good at it. There is nothing called not good at it. And only in my adult life I realized that I wasn't good at it because I wasn't taught in a way to learn and be interested in the concepts. So I remember, just like your daughter, my interest in maths came and went according to the teacher, and I was really interested in my 10th grade. My 10th grade teacher was very good, but by then my base was ruined already, right, because I hadn't learned the concepts properly till then. And I struggled, I really struggled, to finish 10th in maths in 10th and I finished somehow. I was. I washed my hands saying that's it. I'm not getting back to it, but but I do enjoy mathematics. Now it's part of all our lives. You can't escape it. You know if you're running your house, just the basic finances, paying whatever bills you're thinking. And then I enjoy numbers. I'm really bad at it still.
Speaker 3:Same here. I enjoy numbers and I just felt that if I had the encouragement I would maybe I majored in mathematics or picked up mathematics as an important subject, and I think that our kids are missing out on a very important subject which is very valuable If they don't have a good teacher. These are foundations. This is not like I feel sorry for them that they are missing out on something which is so interesting, because they have a fear of the subject that they stay away from it.
Speaker 2:It's very sad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, probably wouldn't have worked with you no, but uh, the part about encouraging, you know, uh, clapping for every kid, and I think it's, it has both its pros and cons.
Speaker 2:Like you said, it should be done in balance.
Speaker 1:Again, it should be done in balance. I agree, and I think, uh, for kids who are good at something, you can look at it like it's very discouraging for them.
Speaker 3:Yeah, uh, that being put on par with the kids who are not doing well. It's very discouraging.
Speaker 1:And I think there has to be some. This participation medals is something I am not very….
Speaker 3:Even I am not happy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean you participate. Yes, encourage participation. Don't make it a big thing about winning or not winning.
Speaker 2:Still winning we are in a generation.
Speaker 1:I'm like you know. Let's not lie to myself.
Speaker 2:You're still a loser. You will not win.
Speaker 1:I'm extremely competitive. So let's not lie, winning is a big thing for me, but I, you know, it has been a task for myself to teach myself to not and my husband of course comes to intervene to not be that demanding with my son to win, because I am one of. I grew up like that. I had to come first, I had to come first in class, in elocution, competition, in dance and everything I participated. If I didn't come first which did happen a lot of times I would. I was a sad loser, I was really, really bad and I was like Emmanuel I'll tend to fight and, you know, make a scene if, make a scene if anything is going wrong, and stuff like that. My son is nothing like that. So it has been a task to palm myself down and say no, no, no, no you don't have to pressure him.
Speaker 3:I think the middle ground is very important and one thing I wanted to point out here. What I like about a present school is that they have the head boy, head girl and all these things, and no one became a head boy, head girl just overnight. Everyone had to give, everybody was free to give an entrance exam. They had to come on stage and there was an elocution. They had to debate about something, a lot of things. So it was very fair.
Speaker 3:So when somebody was a head boy or a house captain, everybody looked up with a lot of respect. And it's not because you're a teacher's kid or because you are just a good at studies but you're not good at sports, but you are made the head captain. I think that was very fair. And that's one thing I like about them that they a lot of things in their school is all about giving a. I mean, they have elections, they have an, they have a council over there. A lot of, a lot of things like that. So I think that's a good thing, that's a good place to be you should have. If you're not good, you're not going to get into, but you should be given an opportunity to try.
Speaker 1:That's all as I had warned before, we had a lot to talk and so I had to split this episode into two parts. See you in the next one. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode of the Inspired Life. We hope you found some motivation. And Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode of the Inspired Life. We hope you found some motivation and insights to fuel your own journey. If you love this conversation, don't forget to hit that subscribe button and leave us a review. It really helps us reach more like-minded dreamers just like you. And for more inspiration between episodes, follow us on Instagram at the Inspired Life Podcast. We share behind the scene moments, quotes from our guests and all the good vibes to keep you inspired every day. If you have an unconventional story or unique path you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Reach out to us on Instagram or send us a message. Who knows, maybe you could be our next guest. Until next time, keep chasing what lights you up. Stay inspired.